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Re: Worried....
May 5, 2006
Hi guys!
Thanks for all the replies and sorry for not coming back sooner.
Well, that night he came home about an hour after he called and said he couldn't find them. He did actually say I can come along, but I didn't feel like it.
He said, he bought the clothes to look more proffessional, since it's a government office.
He's the kind of guy that is sometimes bruttaly honest. I do believe him that he didn't cheat on me yet and he gave me his word he wouldn't. His friends of long time say, that if he gives a word he keeps it - although I think with friends it could be different.
Somebody mentionned that he is trying to make me feel insecure. I don't know if he's doing this on purpose or not, but certainly some things he says and does make me feel very insecure.
He is also very reserved with his affections and that of course ads to my insecurity. It's mostly me that innitiates affection and it's not because he doesn't love me, but just because that's the way he is. Even knowing that though, it makes me feel insecure, when I feel so excited about him and he's just kinda 'mellow'.
Well, last night I didn't sleep at all. He told me the other day that he went for lunch eventually with that girl - I don't know how many times, but he says he's been talking to her a lot. Why the Hell does he even say these things to me?! What is he trying to do? I'm all for honesty, but he's so blunt and unsensitive!
So I jokingly asked who did he go for lunch today with. He says he went with another girl. I pried the story out of him and this is what I got:
He's been talking to a few girls, when one of them said she's going for lunch. So he offered to go with her. He said he just met that girl that day!
I think that's completely absurd! Why do you go for lunch with somebody you just met?! Don't you have some dignity and courtesy to your partner?
He said he just wanted to talk to somebody and she seemed nice, but then over lunch he found out she was dumm. great!
If I just met a guy and he asked me to go for lunch, I'd frankly find him quite intrusive or would think he wants something from me and if I liked him also, I would feel quite flattered. I worry he's getting a wrong message across to these girls and even if he thinks it's nothing, they might not feel the same way!
He says he 'wants to get to know these people in other than the proffesional way.'
I just don't understand why! He's only going to be working with them for a few months, what's all the eagerness for? To me that's flirting. and especially if you just met someone.
I cried all night, because I was in so much pain. He comforted me, but when I told him why I'm crying he said he has very little sympathy for me if that's the reason, because I'm just trying to control him. I should not try to prevent him from meeting people. He said it meant nothing and tomorrow he will choose somebody else to go with!!!!!
Great, he's got about 200 people to choose from!
He complains how he's tired, because he's the 'go-to' guy at the office (that must make him feel great, with all these girls calling him for help!) - but I just don't get why he'd rather not spend his lunch alone and unwind.
I don't mind him making friends, but I find the way he does it is very flirty and strange. He gave his e-mail to a girl he chatted with a couple of times on the bus last year and apparently they kept in touch sporadically. Still, 9 months after he met her I read an email (2 months ago) where he was calling her out for lunch. Lunch because I'd be at work and he wouldn't have to tell me about it, right?
Again, I just don't get why would he be so interested to go for lunch with someone he met so long ago very casually.
The worst is that these incidents always happen when our relationship gets rocky. I think he's a coward, because he's looking for some 'connection' or 'excitement' perhaps, but not investing enough to improove our relationship and do things in a way that I wouldn't have to get frustrated about. It's easy for those girls to be nice to him, because they don't know how irresponsible and sloppy he can be, he doesn't help with the chores, etc.
People that don't realise they have contributed to their relationship falling apart and go to 'get happiness' somewhere else make me sick!

I definitely can't move out right now. I have racked up big debt last year and it will take me at least a few months to get some funds to be able to move and support my own place. I have no family in this country and friends live in tiny apartments.
Meanwhile, this relationship is destroying me emotionally, because I really love him - I thought he was going to be the One, but he causes me so much pain. He tells me it's my own fault and he's doing nothing wrong.
He tells me he wouldn't mind if I went out with other guys, but that's just not the way I do things! To me commitment means no flirting. And not because the person is restrained from it, but because the person doesn't feel like they need to flirt, because they are devoted to their loved one.

I am thinking I am perhaps dealing with some sort of Karma, because I cheated on somebody once, but i realised how much pain I caused him and I would NEVER do that again! However, I wasn't really in love anymore when that happened and was looking for a way out. Perhaps, because I'm applying my own experience, that's why this is making me even more upset.
What to do? How do you stop loving somebody? How do you stop the pain?
Re: Worried....
May 6, 2006
Hi guys!
Thanks again for the replies. This has been quite the rollercoaster. As I said, he's been flirty on and off since 1/2 year into our relationship! I have worked through forgiving him and here we are again.
I spoke to a couple of his friends and they tell me he doesn't come across as a womanizer. So why do I get this impression! I mean you see for yourself.
He does tell me that he would like to repair things for us. Also he told me that none of the girls at the office would be suitable for him. Why the Hell do I have to be under this kind of comparison constantly?! I would rather hear that he doesn't care to find out wether they are suitable for him or not, because he has me. Altough thigs aren't rosey with us, to me commitment is about trying to work things out, not running.
I think he's too dumb to play mind games - he just doesn't have the capacity. It's more that he's just bluntly honest and considers people replacable - as long as they suite HIM.

>>>It's like he's on some high horse or something and his ego is big right now because of all this attention he's getting from these girls! I'm sorry, but this goes way beyond friends with the opposite sex!<<<
I definitelly feel that! He tells me he's getting the recognition and praise at work that he doesn't get home. I'm sure he's getting a lot of attention too and he doesn't hesitate to tell me that this or that girl likes to chat it up with him, because she likes him - definitely some mind games there, but pretty primitive ones.
Also, he had a 'casual' girlfriend when he was very keenly working on picking me up and I only found out later. So I can just imagine how he's 'with-holding truth'. He dumped her 4 days after he met me. I thought that was pretty harsh, but he insisted that she was only a '****-buddy' and he told her that he's not going to get serious with her eventhough he knew that she kinda liked him. I'm only finding out all these details now. What a user! It's really true that love is blind, because eventhough I saw his behavior somehow he made me believe I was going to be special, but now he's being very blunt with me too.
I will have to work on numbing my feelings for him, get it together and get ready for leaving I guess, but it will take some time.

But jenna_250,
why is it that people flirt? I mean, you are in love with your boyfriend, right? Why do you still need to attract the opposite sex?
Don't take it personally, but I think my boyfriend is doing it to gain some confidence.
Also, if our relationship was solid and he showed enough affection for me, I wouldn't be jealous, but he's very reserved and that makes me insecure about his emotions.
Last week I was trying to be very nice and affectionate with him after we had a bad spell, but I wasn't seeing anything back. I confronted him about it and he told me that lately he hasn't been feeling like it. :(
Re: Worried....
May 6, 2006
Hi guys!
Thanks again for the replies. This has been quite the rollercoaster. As I said, he's been flirty on and off since 1/2 year into our relationship! I have worked through forgiving him and here we are again.
I spoke to a couple of his friends and they tell me he doesn't come across as a womanizer. So why do I get this impression! I mean you see for yourself.
He does tell me that he would like to repair things for us. Also he told me that none of the girls at the office would be suitable for him. Why the Hell do I have to be under this kind of comparison constantly?! I would rather hear that he doesn't care to find out wether they are suitable for him or not, because he has me. Altough thigs aren't rosey with us, to me commitment is about trying to work things out, not running.
I think he's too dumb to play mind games - he just doesn't have the capacity. It's more that he's just bluntly honest and considers people replacable - as long as they suite HIM.

>>>It's like he's on some high horse or something and his ego is big right now because of all this attention he's getting from these girls! I'm sorry, but this goes way beyond friends with the opposite sex!<<<
I definitelly feel that! He tells me he's getting the recognition and praise at work that he doesn't get home. I'm sure he's getting a lot of attention too and he doesn't hesitate to tell me that this or that girl likes to chat it up with him, because she likes him - definitely some mind games there, but pretty primitive ones.
Also, he had a 'casual' girlfriend when he was very keenly working on picking me up and I only found out later. So I can just imagine how he's 'with-holding truth'. He dumped her 4 days after he met me. I thought that was pretty harsh, but he insisted that she was only a '****-buddy' and he told her that he's not going to get serious with her eventhough he knew that she kinda liked him. I'm only finding out all these details now. What a user! It's really true that love is blind, because eventhough I saw his behavior somehow he made me believe I was going to be special, but now he's being very blunt with me too.
I will have to work on numbing my feelings for him, get it together and get ready for leaving I guess, but it will take some time.

But jenna_250,
why is it that people flirt? I mean, you are in love with your boyfriend, right? Why do you still need to attract the opposite sex?
Don't take it personally, but I think my boyfriend is doing it to gain some confidence.
Also, if our relationship was solid and he showed enough affection for me, I wouldn't be jealous, but he's very reserved and that makes me insecure about his emotions.
Last week I was trying to be very nice and affectionate with him after we had a bad spell, but I wasn't seeing anything back. I confronted him about it and he told me that lately he haven't been feeling like it. :(





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