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Relationship Health Message Board

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Yeah prom is a huge deal to her, and i know this because she mentions it a lot. Like i said, i want to stay with her, but at this rate all i can do is just bite my lip and hang in there until the summer, im just praying things will level out and get better then. I dont have that much left, i have 10 more days until im finished with school, and she has just a little over that (maybe 14-15). After exams, and school and everything im assuming she will be more relaxed about everything.

As for the sex thing, i have not mentioned sex to her ONE TIME. I understand why she is all paranoid about it, but it just bothered me when she said that. One time i told her i want the prom to be as special as i can make it, and i meant that in the sense that i care about her and i want it to be nice for her since it means alot to her, and she says "Im not going to have sex with you after prom, Pawel", well i wasnt even planning on it. Then a little later that day i complimented her on her eyes, because well, i find them just gorgeous, and she just blushed, i asked if it was a good blush or a bad blush and she said "Im just not sure if when a guy gives a compliment is it because he is being sweet or is it just because he is trying to get in my pants", then i asked which one of those i am, and she said "You're just Pawel" (Pawel is my name by the way, pronounced Paul). Things havent been as great as i wanted them to be, or still want them to be, but im sort of getting that learned helplessness feeling, i know i cant spend almost any time with her at all, and im just getting around the corner to accepting that feeling. It kind of sucks, but at least im learning to accept it.
[QUOTE=Lazer 77]Well i just got back from our "talk", and it went very well. We just talked regularly like friends for awhile, and then i said that im sorry about the way i've been acting and some of the mean things i have said. She said it wasnt a big deal, and we kept talking like normal, made plans for the prom (which seems like it will be a good time now), and then before i left i said that im really sorry again. When i said the mean things i was really angry, and i got my head straight the next morning and i meant to apologize earlier because i had to gain courage. I also told her im not trying to victimize myself or make her feel bad, but she said its fine and i dont need to be sorry. She seems to have wanted to break up with me because i asked her if she even cares about the relationship, she brought that part up.

But as of now, it seems like the prom wont be TOO bad.[/QUOTE]

That's good, Lazer. From the previous comments she made to you, it seems like this girl has either been burnt badly and used "just for sex" while she had feelings for someone, or like someone warned her and made her somewhat paranoid about guys using girls for sex. She sounds like she's distrustful of the opposite sex in general, which I cannot really blame her for too much, or her parents possibly warned her that most guys her age just want to get into her pants and that's all. Unforunately, a lot of it is true, regardless of what your own intentions are. You have to realize a lot of girls' psychological makeup is different from guys. I remember vividly when I was a teenage girl. While my hormones were going crazy and I was fantacizing about sex, at the same time, the thing I wanted most was a boy who would be crazy in love with me and I with him. Not that much has changed in over 15 years, to be honest. So, I think if she had some bad experiences in guys using her for sex, or even just some sexual experimenting, and then distancing themselves for no good reason, she might have become cynical in that regard. It's sad but true. Someone might have broken her heart and used her or some of her close friends physically, only to disappear once they got what they wanted, and that left her feeling distrustful of guys in general. Women have a lot at stake nowadays with no guarantees, and that is a very vulnerable thing. A young man might not fully understand it, because men in general are not as emotionally invested in sex as girls are, even just from a bilogical standpoint, and so it might not make sense to you, but it makes sense to me.

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