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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


You don't HAVE to have sex ever if you don't want to. I understand he's young and has his drive, but he's being completely disrespectful of you by insisting you should have relations every single time you're together. That certainly wouldn't make me feel very cherished.

Expecting sex will quickly make it become routine and boring, as well. If you're not in the mood and it isn't an "every time" rejection, he needs to grow a little and understand and RESPECT that you certainly have that right. It's your body, sometimes you just want it to be left alone! My fiance and I have this discussion every few months or so when I go into a slump and he gets rejected more often than not, this isn't common but the fact is if I don't feel like being touched on a given day, giving in and just laying there so he can do his thing isn't really going to achieve what he was hoping for *anyway*.

If your boyfriend doesn't care about whether or not you're enjoying it or in the mood I'd be more curious about his emotions behind the whole thing. He SHOULD care and it SHOULD matter to him that you're as into it as he is most of the time. I'd understand his complaint if you refused him frequently but I don't get the impression you do. It doesn't matter how many women he's slept with, most men have an out of sight sex drive and they need to learn how to simmer down sometimes and accept that we're not just simply there for their physical needs - we have some needs of our own and occasionally, we all end up empty handed.

Don't know if this perspective helps, but honestly, I think if once in a while you say no, he needs to be respectful of that. He's not going to die if you pass on ONE night. Seriously!
I do wonder about the disinterest in sex, my mums disabled so shes at home ALL the time so we never get the house to ourselves, and he has 6 brothers and sisters so we cant go to his packed house. And im afraid sex isn't the same when your mother is next door! can't afford to rent, hes a student and im on a low wage cause im having to have a voluntary job to get onto my uni course, and i work part time in a shop.

I don't worry that I don't love my boyfriend, becuase I do. I do worry that I'm too independant. I'm used to looking after my mum and getting on with things, I find it hard when he's around all the time. Even sharing the bed, Im fine for a couple of nights but its so nice when he leaves so that I can stretch out! I'm quite independant. It isnt just him, i've never really been into sex or oral or whatever.... the only time ive had a high sex drive was with my last bf, and our relationship was SO bad it was as if we were trying to overcompensate with the one thing that actually worked between the two of us. And I was on the pill then but it made me ill so my current partner and i just use condoms and Im absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. That + the disabled mum next door = no fun!

dewdrop are u scared to really go for it in case your child hears? a girl I know has a kid and she dates this bloke and their sex is so loud they wake the poor kid up in the middle of the night!

It's also that question that even if I love him, do I love him ENOUGH? I wouldnt say im a romantic, I don't like flowers, i hate celebrating anniversaries etc, and I really wouldnt mind the thought of being a single mother.

Hmmm. come to think of it it doesnt help that all of my mums friends that visit have divorced their husbands. Plus I work at a school and most of the women I have lunch with, and go out with (parents and teachers) are unhappy with their partners and are considering a divorce. So I have lots of people around me telling me that men aren't important, than women are independant and dont need men anymore, that men are just another responsibility and loads of trouble etc etc. I don't know one happy marriage. And the happiest women I know are all single parents/divorcees and have no intention of getting a partner.

But my partner is so lovely - hes nice to my family, he fixes things around the house for my mum, he cleans up without having to ask him to, he flutters around me when I return from work and he makes me a cuppa tea. Hes ALWAYS telling me im beautiful and doesnt care if i lose or put on weight. He's perfect partner in many respects. People tell me I'm lucky. But his age and inexperience does worry me because I think he may be more likely to cheat on me in later years. But I guess whatever happens, happens right? Theres no point in worrying about it.

So many mixes messages! Maybe therapy is in order :)





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