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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi guys...its me again
Hiya & Nina & Sophia- how are you guys?? havent seen you lot on the board for some time, ive been missing you guys.
just thought id say hi, ask you lot how youre doing and give you an update on my situation...just like talking to you guys, you always know what to say...this is more like a rant, a vent more than anything...want to share it with you guys- just to share it and talk about it thats all...anyone else is welcome to contribute...
i know its long....sorry :(

im doing ok...trying to concentrate on exams at the moment. got my last exam on wednesday- after that im free for four months untill university starts again in october. I plan to work full time, undertake lots of volunteering, carry on with my japanese, go out and have fun with friends and hopefully go on holiday snowboarding somewhere if i save enough money. but it all seems rather dull still...its difficult when someone you love so much isnt in your life anymore especially since you had the best summer of your life with them last year...hmmm...ill try my best to make this summer the greatest...lol wish me luck!

Hiya- youve helped me so much...Whats helping me through this time is realising that my ex doesnt full a lot of the criteria i am looking for in a guy which helps ALOT with the pain and my outlook for the future but it doesnt make me stop loving him (but thats ok, i dont expect it to get rid of my feelings)...which is what you advised me to do...i want to meet someone new and fall in love with someone new...but there isnt anyone around...i hate the thought of being alone during the summer but i guess ive got to bite the bullet and take it. but I still love my ex, I dream about him all the time, but at the same time I still cant believe what happened and how much he hurt me, and what makes it worse is the girl who he got together with after me...really brings about such an awful sick feeling in my stomach...but i still continue to talk to him...i miss him so much...but i know if i met the right guy, id probably forget about my ex quite quickly...but the lack of guys in my life (well guyswho id be interested in) is not helping...
ive learnt to be so hard on myself anymore...it was only eight weeks ago that i saw him out with that girl, what a surprise, i thought we were meant to be on a break thinking about getting back together? forget it, dont even bother teling me you got together with her, dont bother to tell me we arent on a break anymore, just let me see you out with her, all over her infront of me haha sorry just needed to vent! and i still love this guy...not nice...i make myself mad...how sick could he be to do that...thats the thing that gets me realy mad...i dotn mind the name calling or the lying...it was him telling me he was thinking about getting back togther with me, he was going to get back to me in three weeks and instead i see him out with anther girl- the girl who know only does causal relatioships- nice. the girl who on her profile states her interests as sex and big penises....hmmm...hurts how he wanted to be with someone like her and not me...

Remember a few weeks ago we got talking and we had arranged to meet up and go to lectures...i then said no then said yes then when it came down to it he cancelled half hour before the lecture, i was quite gutted, that was on a thursday
on the saturday i messaged him asking wherehe was because i wanted to drop off his stuff. he was out. he asked what i wanted, if anything was wrong. the morning after that i messaged him saying that id be posting his CDs through his letterbox soon and that ive given up on him (i meant as the nice decent person i thought he was) he tried calling but i ignored him. the monday night after that i went to his place and just dropped off his stuff. a few dys later he was online and sent me messages asking me why i had iven up on him but i ignored him. exactly a week after dropping off his stuff, he messaged me and i called him back- i missed him. couldnt resist that time.
we chatted for two hours untill 2am, it was an amazing conversation, we just kept laughing and joking etc talked about everything. he asked me about the guy who i was seeing (pretend guy) and i replied that we had decided to break up. i didnt ask him about his ex. i know whats happening...they arent getting back together and she used him as a rebound.
when my phone got cut off he kept calling me to say goodnight...he asked me why i had given up on him and before i could answer he apologised for not meeting up with me for the lecture and that we should do it again. he said he didnt mean to be rude but because of his presentations he has to give every friday, he feels under pressure and stressed (yeah rigth). i said no we couldnt go to the lectures because there were no more interesting lectures. he said well if we are to go, then dont make up any silly excuses like you did last time- haha the cheek- hes the one who cancelled last minute...maybe that put him off. oh whatever! he then asked me if i still wanted him to come to the party that is on this saturday. i replied that if he wanted to come and that if his friends want to come also, that i thought they would all have a good time together. he asked again "no, do you still want me to come" i replied the same...he replied that i was being very diplomatic. and i quickly changed the topic of conversation. he asked me when my next exam was, i told him thursday. he messaged me wednesday evening wishing me goodluck. he messaged me again thursday evening asking how it went. we cntinuted messaging untill friday...havent heard from him since. im wondering if he message me again....about the party on saturday? maybe he is expecting me to invite him again? i want him to ask to come...but at the same time i really dont want him to be there. this party is a big deal to me, its a boat party and last yr i had the best time of my life at the party...it was just a few days before i met my ex...i want to have fun this year...wish we were still together and going together though...but we arent...anyway...
talked to my friends about it...figured this out: if he mesasges me asking to come, itll make me feel good...and if he doesnt messge me, i wont be messaging him, itll feel so good because i know he will feel very excluded...before i was so desperate for him to come...now im not...and he knows what a bid deal this is to me...

im unsure as to what to do...i want to hear his reaction if i were to invite him again...but at the same time him being at the party would ruin it for me...but it would be a chance for us to meet up...

this is messing me up i know...if only there was someone else in my life...
oh this is not easy...wish i could meet my mr right now...would save me a lot of hurt and loneliness...im glad...i can look to the future and see myself meeting mr right...it just aint gonna happen anytime soon, is it? :(





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