It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Re: My new plan
Jun 7, 2006
Thanks Laurie, you are the best, and such a sweetheart too! It always makes me feel so much better to get advice here. I'm pretty happy about everything with J, really, but because I am by nature very cautious/logical/worried/nervous, I can't help but have concerns. First of all, I am worried that he is moving to my hometown and that he thinks I am moving there too. I am also worried that I am starting to fall in love with him and that could be bad because he might move somewhere different than where I live.

Mostly I hope we can stay friends, because he has been a good friend to me. He listens to me talk about my life and what worries me, he is genuinely interested and concerned with what I have to say, and he is starting to be comfortable opening up to me as well. He tells me about his family, work, worries, etc. which I think means that we are close, as well as friends. I respect him immensely and I want him to respect me back...I think he does, but I'm not as disciplined, driven, and not quite as successful as he is, though he had a four year head start. But also, he's achieved everything on his own--he has several degrees from excellent schools and has landed what is essentially his dream job at 28. I am successful and intelligent too, but I had an easier time because my family has money and connections--I didn't have to pay for my own private high school, college, and graduate school like he did. Also, I like to party more than he does, and I don't want him to look down on me for being some sort of Paris Hilton type socialite, because I want him to see me as an intellectual equal.

So as you can see, I worry a lot about everything, but lately I've been better about not worrying about J stuff because I've talked to him about how I feel. It doesn't always come out right, but I do try to tell him what I am thinking and what I want from him, which is difficult for me to do and even tougher for him to reciprocate. We are just both so stubborn and fiercely independent that it can be tough--for instance last weekend something possessed me to ask him, "you don't think I'm your girlfriend, do you?" after telling him how lucky he was to be sleeping with me and worrying that I had gossiped too much about a mutual friend. And he said "no why?" even though both of us already knew that neither will give in first on something like that. Then we both felt better and snuggled up and fell asleep. I guess that's kind of weird, but to me, that seems like bonding.

Anyway, I don't know. I am trying to be a nice friend to him without getting too close and risking being hurt, but I don't know how that will go. I am just worrying too much these days, I have to take the LSAT to get into law school and I am terrified that I won't get a perfect score. Fortunately J is like that too, he understands, and he doesn't think I'm crazy, and he actually has helped calm me down. So have a bunch of my other male friends and professors, and I love them all, but I am worried that I might love J in a different and perhaps stronger way and that could prove to be problematic for me.

PS--The one thing I'm NOT worried about is that we are from different backgrounds. Do you think I should be? I asked him generally speaking if I was way too idealistic about stuff like that, meaning equality and how the world is bigoted/ignorant, and he said yes. He is more realistic because he is a black man without a lot of family money and because I am a blond swedish american woman whose family is rich.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:03 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!