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Hi babiblujay,

After reading your post - I can totally relate to what you're going through. My ex was exactly the same towards the end - he would not make any effort whatsoever with me. If I went round his place he would answer the door to me, then just go back to whatever he was doing, just leaving me to sit on the sofa and watch telly (or more often than not-clear up because the place was such a mess!! I swear he left it for me to do eventually because he knew the mess would annoy me) And he'd either be on his computer, playing his guitar or drums, or his stupid mates would be there. I would be left feeling quite isolated and down. The worse this got - the more I craved the attention from him, the more I wanted him to spend some time with me or talk to me or just give me a cuddle. This only seemed to make things worse - I found myself needing him all the time, I just wanted to feel wanted, BUT it didn't happen :( This also resulted in him telling me I was too needy and wanted too much attention. I began to feel as if I was going mad - I did not want to be a needy or weak woman - but he had made me that way. I know that this was not my fault as everyone around kept saying how awful the way he treated me was (including HIS family, HIS friends, my friends and my family, and even his best friend/flatmate) Sometimes I would ask him something and he would completely ignore me - resulting in me asking him over and over and over, raising my voice and sounding completely neurotic. His flatmate would end up having to answer me because he couldn't handle seeing me ignored or hearing me getting upset. He would say things like "*** your girlfriend is asking you a question, can't you hear her?" and he would just either shrug it off or get angry that I was getting so upset. It drove me absolutely crazy - and for months I believed that I was this weak, annoying and horrible person whose boyfriend could not bear being around. I was depressed, alone and put on about a stone in weight because I actually turned to chocolate (!!!) to give me some kind of comfort. I was not getting anything of the kind in my relationship - and that is not right.

I did exactly the same as you - I would ask him if he was just doing this because he didn't want to be with me anymore or because he didn't love me anymore and he would say "of course not" and that he did love me. He would sometimes then give me about 5 minutes of affection - telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me and have children with me etc - but then go back to what he was doing and ignore me again!! Like he just wanted to get me off his back. It actually drove me crazy - and those times were some of the lowest points i've had. So eventually I did find out that he was going to break up with me - by reading a text telling his mates "don't worry lads I'm dumping her tomorrow", but even then when confronting him I had to drag it out of him.

I'm sorry for talking about myself but I want you to know I sympathise with you. I don't know what your boyfriend is thinking or your background story, but I DO know that this kind of treatment is appalling and detrimental to your health - even just by reading your title "Completely unwanted..." He obviously has some issues (god knows my ex has loads!!) but that is no excuse for making you feel this way. I'm not really sure what the best advice would be - but with hindsight on my part - I would try and talk to him, ask him to be completely honest, and if you still feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall - then do what's right for your own well-being and sanity, and consider whether you can really handle being in this relationship anymore.

Keep your chin up


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