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Hi everyone! :wave:

I know that communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Why is it so difficult???

As you may remember, my boyfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago (he broke up with me).
However, we never really cut ties. We never saw other people, we always still told each other that we love each other, and we remained close friends. It hurt me pretty bad, but I do understand his reasons.

Over the last couple of months we have been working on our relationship. We just can’t seem to let go of each other and we both want to make it work so badly. We’re each others best friends, and neither one of us could EVER imagine being happier with anyone else. But yet, our relationship has never been easy…
I think our main problem is communication.

I can be overly sensitive and overreact at times.
For example, one time we got into an argument because I made plans for us to go out to dinner with another couple without talking to him first. (This was before we broke up). He was upset because we were supposed to be saving money, and he had a bad day and just wanted to relax. But, instead of saying that to me, he just went along with the night, acting a bit cold and distant all night long. At this point, I’m starting to feel like “what did I do to make him act so unloving towards me?”
When we got home, I couldn’t take it any longer and I insisted that he tell me what was wrong or I was leaving (I know…immature). Well, he finally told me that he didn’t want to go out, he didn’t have the money to spend, and wished I would stop making plans without telling him (he wasn’t yelling, but he was definitely annoyed and not speaking in the nicest tone). Of course this made me feel terrible, but instead of chalking it up to a mistake or miscommunication, I start crying and thinking he must not love me to act this way… All I did was want to go out to dinner, with friends, as a happy couple, and he ruined the night!
Needless to say, this petty little fight led to an emotional eruption! I told him that if he didn’t want to go, he should have told me before we left and I would have cancelled plans. He told me that if he did that, I would have been mad.
It’s incidences like this that caused him to break up with me. He felt that he could never make me happy.
I understand his point because I can see how I would make him feel that way. But if he would just talk to me more and tell me what he is feeling, I wouldn’t always have to assume the worst, which causes my emotions to build up and explode.

See what I mean about bad communication???

Well, now that we are working on things, I am trying very hard to not get overly emotional. He is also trying to be more sensitive to my feelings.
But, I get the sense that he is walking on egg shells constantly.
Over the last 2 weeks I know there is something bothering him, but when I ask, he says it’s just stress from work and has nothing to do with me.
I know there’s more to the story than just work… How can I get him to open up to me? How can I make him believe that whatever problem comes our way, I will handle them like an adult and not start having a break down like I used to?

How does a couple learn to communicate together when they don’t communicate??????
Do we need a 3rd party to teach us? Are there books out there that can help us?

Has anyone been through this?
It drives me insane wondering what is wrong all the time. Little things build up and build up and we end up fighting over nothing!

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Sorry it’s so long… :yawn:





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