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Relationship Health Message Board


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I honestly think (and hope!) that your advice is right on the mark, Brook. I haven't exactly asked him if he is moving here with a woman, but he'd be a big jerk (unlike him...he gives me a hard time and isn't always super nice to me, but he also has never lied to me that I know of in a decade) if he didn't mention it. And even if he felt no obligation to me, I do not think he is the kind of man who would deceive his girlfriend by talking with his ex, especially an ex from whom he has never completely disengaged. I know he is a good bf to other women, probably nicer than to me because they are nicer and easier to deal with than I am...that said over the years he has been more than willing to be with me physically regardless of what else is going on. So maybe I shouldn't assume things and should ask flat out...hopefully I can refrain from doing so until and unless the timing is right! I guess I will see if I can work up my nerve to bring that stuff up at some point, because it would be nice to know, but I also should try to remember that he's not my boyfriend and that I have no right to demand anything of him. If he was to forgive me for being the way I am in the past, then I would hope we could both start with a clean slate and no past grudges or resentment. Honestly, the whole thing makes me so excited that I can't even really stand to think about it...one thing at a time though right? Hey Brook, how did you learn so much about men? Are you involved with someone now? When you say Kent, do you mean the UK? I would love to live there!!
Blimey, I'm no expert! yeah I live in the UK and I'd swap with you anyday!

I think I've learnt about men, as I am 40 and have had a few expereinces with wronguns over the years.

My boyfriend is 8 years younger than me, and we have been together 6 years! but we have had our ups and downs.

I think when you get to my age, (god I sound old) you have much more experience, and can relate and see things a lot clearer, also I have a sixth sense, and quite perceptive with people. You can tell alot about people and their personalities with how they come across on here, I think!

Also human behaviour quite often works in similar patterns, sometimes you can read about someone experiencing some problem in their relationship, and you can recognise a pattern forming from a past relationship of your own, or of a freind or colleague!

One thing I am thinking, although don't want to put a negative forward is, be prepared for the fact that he may of only seen you as a sexual partner, and his emotional strings may of been cut from you long ago. But having said that, if he has, or has had a partner, he has been cheating on her with you! But my gut instinct is that that is not the case! but we may be wrong, although I hope not.

Like you say when you meet don't just blurt it out all wrong, pick the time right, and just casually ask if there is anyone special in his life? but also find out if he is moving down with someone, although I wouldn't think likely!

This is a lovely storey, and it is nice to see something promising rather than trying to help people in hopeless sad situations.

I have just seen the time, it has been lovely talking to you, I will try and catch up with your storey tomorrow :wave:
Hi everyone and thanks again. You all have helped me in different ways because I can have trouble viewing these things objectively without advice, but it's hard for me to confide in any one person about these matters because I don't want to be judged.

So this situation is a tad more complicated than I explained before. As you know my ex is H, but there is also a guy named J from my college in the picture, as well as now another very old high school friend, B, who I have been hanging out with recently. Three guys, probably not good, but I'm not sure if there will be overlap or not. OK, so J is going to move in a few months, around the same time H will be moving back here. B is already here and will probably stay here; I am super close with his family in addition to just him.

I forgot to tell you some stuff about me and H that might present obstacles. First of all, I think he either STRONGLY suspects or outright knows that I cheated on him toward the end of our official relationship. Second, his older brother, who is kind of a crackhead, I'm not sure how much they tell each other, knows that I have hooked up with some other guys we both know. I am not sure if that affects the way H views me and our situation, but it certainly could be having some impact. On the other hand, he could just have stopped talking to me. I guess only time will tell.

Also, I like this other friend of mine, B, quite a bit. In fact he spent the night with me over the weekend (don't judge please), and we had an amazing time. We have a ton in common, I respect him a lot, and he is a lot like me...I think he's a sweetheart, but obviously I'm not looking for a really serious boyfriend right now. So what's the etiquette with a friends with benefits situation? We've been fwb for like eight years now and so far we get along fine, so I guess it's ok, but he actually called me the night after he left to tell me he had a good time, awww. It couldn't have been much cuter if he had written me a note thanking me for having him as a guest :). So, I don't know what to do--why do I have to pick just one guy? Do I, or is it okay for some people not to be monogamous? Is it okay for me to be involved with other people while still thinking there might be a chance with my ex sometime in the near future? (it's not possible now). I could really use some more advice, thank you guys so much.
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]Hi everyone and thanks again. You all have helped me in different ways because I can have trouble viewing these things objectively without advice, but it's hard for me to confide in any one person about these matters because I don't want to be judged.

So this situation is a tad more complicated than I explained before. As you know my ex is H, but there is also a guy named J from my college in the picture, as well as now another very old high school friend, B, who I have been hanging out with recently. Three guys, probably not good, but I'm not sure if there will be overlap or not. OK, so J is going to move in a few months, around the same time H will be moving back here. B is already here and will probably stay here; I am super close with his family in addition to just him.

I forgot to tell you some stuff about me and H that might present obstacles. First of all, I think he either STRONGLY suspects or outright knows that I cheated on him toward the end of our official relationship. Second, his older brother, who is kind of a crackhead, I'm not sure how much they tell each other, knows that I have hooked up with some other guys we both know. I am not sure if that affects the way H views me and our situation, but it certainly could be having some impact. On the other hand, he could just have stopped talking to me. I guess only time will tell.

Also, I like this other friend of mine, B, quite a bit. In fact he spent the night with me over the weekend (don't judge please), and we had an amazing time. We have a ton in common, I respect him a lot, and he is a lot like me...I think he's a sweetheart, but obviously I'm not looking for a really serious boyfriend right now. So what's the etiquette with a friends with benefits situation? We've been fwb for like eight years now and so far we get along fine, so I guess it's ok, but he actually called me the night after he left to tell me he had a good time, awww. It couldn't have been much cuter if he had written me a note thanking me for having him as a guest :). So, I don't know what to do--why do I have to pick just one guy? Do I, or is it okay for some people not to be monogamous? Is it okay for me to be involved with other people while still thinking there might be a chance with my ex sometime in the near future? (it's not possible now). I could really use some more advice, thank you guys so much.[/QUOTE]

I'm confused, H is the one you're deeply in love with right? The one from HS, the nerdy guy? As I recall from your old posts, you have cheated a lot on other ex-bfs as well right? Now if he knows (why would you cheat on him though if he was such a great guy according to you, many old ex-bfs was great as well from what you said and yet, you contiune to cheat on them as well?) you have cheated on him, then your chance of getting back with him is pretty slim. Your situation is quite complicated in your bf/gf area and I am not sure what to say at this point. I don't understand how you can be in love with him if you had cheated on him. To be honest, knowing all of that, that kind of behavior you do just sadden me.





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