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I was recently in a casual sex situation that I stopped because I started getting really offended by the way the guy was treating me. Just to update with all of you that have followed my siutation: I was in a 2-year relationship with a guy who I was practically engaged to, he dropped me in a few weeks with no explanation and said some REALLY fd up things/had acted like an as* to me and blamed everything on ME a few weeks before the breakup, and then I found out there was another girl. I was so messed up for 5-6 months that I found myself in counseling and then hooking up with the casual guy (who knows my ex) for a distraction. Im a pretty stable person, so this breakup really hit me HARD. Turned out the casual guy did help me a lot initially to move past my devastation, but near the end he started hurting me because he changed from a nice, respectful guy to a guy who made me feel like a hotel.
So...here I am with the current problem. After that all went down and I told the casual guy that he had been rude and then stopped talking to him, I decided, OK. Now is my chance to really be ALONE. I feel better, I feel like Im really healing, Im enjoying my friends, my new apt, my new job, Im crazy busy, etc. I thought, what a great time to really just catch up on ME and turn over a new leaf. I just decided there would be no guy and I was fine with that for the next few months or even a year! No sex, no emotional attachment, no getting hurt...just me, myself and I. Perfect.
Well, I went out with my friend last week, on a weekday night to get drinks with her friend who was visiting. I almost didnt go but it was really low-key so I thought, why not. Well I ended up meeting this guy who was a friend of 'the friend' we went out to meet up with. He and I really hit it off- we had the deepest conversations and hes SUPER intelligent and I was really attracted to that. Hes new to the city and is only here for 2 months, so I ended up walking him to the subway to show him home, and he asked for my #. I thought, eh, sure, thinking nothing would come of it.
Well, he ended up calling the NEXT DAY which threw me off. Then a few days later he called wanting to meet up, and I was out with my friends, so I told him Id meet up with him after we were done. I guess I was just curious because I wasn't sure if I was into him or not (leaning more toward the 'not' based on my prior 'declaration' to remain alone for awhile...but still a little intrigue). Well, we ended up hitting it off, having too much to drink, and messing around (so much for the declaration). So of course I was kicking myself for that one, but I just figured it would be one of those one-time things (we didnt sleep together, though he tried).
Anyway, I noticed that he was SUPER emotional. Gazing intensely into my eyes, telling me how much he liked me, saying all of these intimate and intense things. I didnt call him all weekend, but he texted me a few times, and I responded and one of my responses was telling him that we went WAYYY too fast the other night and that I really didnt want to move that fast at all. He was totally cool with that and apologized, saying that he was overzealous. So I felt a little more secure with the situation. Tonight he called and asked me what I was doing, and while I was really wanting to stay in alone and watch a movie, he asked me to go grab something small to eat and watch the game out somewhere, which I was OK with. Well, he got to my place, we went to get get food, and at the restaurant he said 'lets just get it to go'. Hmmm. Well, despite his possible ploy, we had a nice conversation, etc, totally fine. Then he started cuddling with me. Then we started kissing (slow, so ok with me). Then he started testing his limits and (I have a super high sex drive, Im like a guy) we made out a little bit even though I had told myself I wouldnt, but at least still slower-paced than the other night. However, he kept gazing in my eyes, literally STARING, cuddling, caressing me, and I just feel really uncomfortable. I feel like sh** actually, because now I feel like Im acting like the guy who I had the casual relationship with a few months ago when I was still really messed up over my ex. I dont mind messing around with this guy and I dont mind hanging out with him, but he is acting like he is in love with me and I dont have really any emotions toward him. It is freaking me out. I pull away from him when he pulls me in, I cant look him in the eye when he is staring at me, and I just feel awkward. The last time I had someone stare at me like that and be all over me was when I was starting to date my ex and I loved every minute of it. Why, when a guy is suddenly pursuing me and so into me, do I almost detest it? Why with the casual sex guy, I, being on the other end, wanted him to pursue me so much, and now with this new guy I feel like I want no emotions from him? What is WRONG with me!!
Anyway, hes only known me for a week. I dont know how sincere he is being with all of this, but when he left tonight he said to me- you know,I really do want to go out to lunch/dinner and have real dates. I just nodded.
Im totally freaked here. I dont know what to do...I told myself I wanted to be alone and this is the first time Ive meant it since my ex stomped on my heart. I do like the guy and have a mild attraction to him, but its fading with each time I see him while at the same time his feelings for me just seem to be skyrocketing.
So...should I just tell him this? I dont want to hurt him or be shady/misleading and I cant believe that Im actually thinking I could hurt him after a week, but it seems like I really could with the way he is acting. I didnt want to get into anymore confusion/drama with guys, hence my decision to be ALONE, and I find myself stuck in this (a lot of it my fault as I was somewhat interested in him that very first night). Hes only here for 2 months so its not going to be anything huge anyway, but the way he is treating me is scaring the hell out of me.
What should I do?





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