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I can completely..COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from Sahuja. I too went straight from my mom's house, to moving in with my boyfriend @18yrs old & now i'm married to him. I am 25 now. I never had that time to experiance "my" own life & freedom. I didn't think I wanted to at the time, thought everything was falling into place perfectly and so on. But now, looking back I so realize I should have taken that me time. Too little too late.
We just bought a house about a year ago, & I about had an anxiety attack over it b/c I too felt it tied my down even more. But we got thru it & now it is great not paying rent, and paying for something that is ours. I am also pregnant now & sadly in a way feel even more stuck. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband & we were trying to have a child & now we will have one, but deep down i'm about to freak. I'm not sure why. We have a great relationship & I know he/i will make great parents. I guess for me, it's just the being "tied down" part that really turns me into an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I've never discussed this with my husband. Don't want him to think he's done anything wrong. Guess as I get older, I realize I've just kinda lived life on the sidelines a bit, always doing for others instead of myself? Not sure. All I can really say is follow your gut & do what makes you happy. If buying a home right now doesn't feel right, don't do it. Definately don't get a puppy...that's just a temporary fix & you'll just be left cleaning pee stains off your carpet. :)
Don't know if i'm much help. Just wanted to let you know your not alone in these feelings.
For what it's worth, I can completely relate to all the feelings you described! I feel like I'm missing out on life big time and sometimes I feel so stuck, I just want to scream and pull my hair out. I also had a job I hated and which paid very little money and got me into debt. So, I decided to go back to grad school and change my career, and as a result, I will be stuck with similar loans as you are (I'm studying at a prestigeous university and it's very expensive), only my job afterwards won't pay nearly as much as yours does. And I'm a few years older than you and single. I feel so envious of my friend who is in a creative field and gets to travel all over the world. She and her boyfriend live in a beautiful place, travel 6 months out of the year, and have a wonderful life. On the other hand, he is 20 years older than her and looks like her father, so it's all relative, I guess :confused: I mean, I would love to have her lifestyle and travel to all these exciting places and do what I love without having to worry about money, but would I be willing to be with a man who I don't find in the least bit attractive to do that? I don't think so. In all fairness, she claims to be attracted to him and love him, but I'm not so sure since she cheated on him in the past. So, I guess there's a price to pay for everything in life. Nobody seems to be fully satisfied, for one reason or another.

I'm not exactly sure what to tell you because I so much relate to the feelings of being trapped and to be honest, I would also be scared out of my mind of buying a house in the suburbs and having a baby, even now at 34. So, perhaps you're just not ready for these things at the moment. Nobody says you absolutely HAVE to have a baby at 29 or 30, so you shouldn't feel so much pressure on that front at least. I know how maddening a prospect of waiting two years to do what you want is, but if that would be a realistic compromise with your husband, perhaps it's worth it. In the meantime, try to make your life where you live now as enjoyable as possible and take at least short vacations if you're not able to take longer ones. Any little thing counts. Although, to be honest, taking short trips only gets me more depressed because my desire to get away from here gets even stronger. Hugs to you, Sahuja, and hope your path gets clearer soon :angel:





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