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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Good for you on spending more time with friends!

I had a big problem with self esteem in my teens and early 20's. I got so tired of being everyone's doormat that I started reading books about self confidence and self esteem. I joined a self-help group, really started feeling great about myself. I married young, and my husband at the time told me one day, " All this crap you're doing is making you a horrible person." I knew at that point that he did not have my best interest in mind, and wasn't liking the fact that I now stood up for myself. It was a big eye opener.

I found that frequently the abuser will not like the changes taking place when you decide to stand up for yourself. They try the usual put-downs and humilations. When they don't work, they get very angry, or move on to someone else to abuse.It will really take an effort on your part to lift your self esteem back up, and quit letting anyone, including your boyfriend, walk all over you. Like others have said, he probaby won't change, but if you get enough self confidence, you'll get to the point where you won't care, and you'll just leave him .

Just remember, all the nice things he says and does for you, do NOT excuse the terrible things he says when he's angry. Nice people do not say those things EVER! :nono:

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