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I'm just hoping to get a few opinions from the folks here who may have had a bit of experience getting rid of a stalkerish ex. We broke up over a year and a half ago after dating for about a year in which we lived together (big mistake). The whole relationship moved very quickly and was very bad. I consider him emotionally abusive and discovered he was unfaithful (I'll never know exactly how much). He knows I feel this way because I told him when I left.

After we broke up he vascillated between apologizing and taking blame and saying ugly and accusatory things about me. I tried to keep things calm and civil, but he was unpredictable and I was also quite angry. Once I got all my stuff and my apartment deposit back, I cut off contact altogether. I've moved on, met a wonderful man that I love and am engaged. My ex was a bit stalkerish at first, but when I stopped replying even to tell him to leave me alone, he slowed down to an e-mail or text every couple of months which I always ignored. I haven't replied to any e-mails, texts, or phone calls in a year.

Last night, I got a phone message from him--very chatty and casual--saying he'd been thinking about me and stopped by my office on his way home from work (he teaches so leaves in the afternoons), but I wasn't there. Thank God I wasn't there. I do not want to see or hear from this man. I was a nervous wreck most of the time we were together. I've chosen to stop corresponding with him because in the past he interpreted anything I said (positive or negative) as a sign that I still cared.

I'm so furious that he tried to force me to see him by stopping by my work and want to make sure it doesn't happen again if I can. So for all you who have dealt with this type of person, do you think I should ignore the whole thing or write him and tell him very plainly that I'd like him to leave me alone. I'm afraid if I write him, he'll interpret the contact as encouragement and step things up. Any thoughts my wise friends?

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