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Re: How to forgive?
Jun 18, 2006
Ooh dear. I feel for you, and actually not because I've ever experienced the same thing, but I have been on the other side of it, your bf's side. *gulp*

I've been with my partner for 5 years now, living together for 3 of those years and 99% of the time we're excellent, but there are times when I get into these horrible irrational and just plain mean moods, and if I don't get my own way (usually I'm really stressed about other things to begin with, and want to have everything go perfect or else I feel even more stressed and can't handle it, and I take it out on the person closest to me, who unfortunately for her, happens to be my partner) I have a tantrum thing/go crazy...swear, throw things (never AT anyone, I'm not violent directly, and I've never broken anything), storm off, slam doors, yell right in the street and am basically oblivious to people staring. *ashamed* Usually I'm reserved and so not like that. I look down on the weirdos and feral people who shout at each other in the street.

I have told her quite a few times to ****** off...usually in a mumbled ending as she walks out of the room...if she comes back and asks what i said, sometimes I dont say anything, or else I might say, What? Or if I'm REALLY far gone, even repeat myself loudly. It's horrible. Even as I'm saying it, I'm thinking WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

I do NOT mean it at ALL, and I don't think your bf did either. But obviously (and rightly so) it is bothering you...I mean, your bf probably would never just tell a stranger or a friend or family member to ****** off, right? So for him to give them, even a stranger, more respect than his own wife is obviously hurtful for you.

It probably hurt him too, saying it. Maybe this is why he lied about it...(I wouldn't take this as a sign he may have lied about other things though. It doesn't have to mean anything like that).

You have to confront him (CALMLY) about it and tell him it really upset you and hurt you. You won't tolerate that from him, who is supposed to love you and be with you as your bf...see what he says. If he brushes it off, he may just be uncomfortable (which is fine and understandable, but he should face up to how he's behaved) or he may not care (which is a problem clearly). If he gets defensive or angry at you going on about it, that's also not good. If he apologises again (and not in an exasperated way or anything), then this is good and you can maybe have a deeper discussion about what happened to make him that angry that he'd say that to you.

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