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Re: Love
Jul 17, 2006
I feel so bad. I know I shouldnt have done, but I broke up with him a few more times after a few seperate heated arguments. We got back together after an hour of the arguments. He started crying again. Made me promise this was to be the last. I dont think I can help it anymore.
I break up with him because Im not happy. Im not happy in this relationship. But without him Im even more unhappy.
Things arent the way they use to be between us. I thought we could get it back. But after everything that has happened, I dont think that is possible. We have been back together for a month now. Things havent developed and feeings or reassurance hasnt deepened. He says its because I kept breaking up with him. How about I am not happy, I dont feel loved (Im not loved, remember he isnt in love) etc. I kept thinking "no, give it time, itll happen when it is going to happen" but i dont think its gonna happen. what do you reckon?
a few nights after my last post, i stayed over at his place for the first time. we went out in the evening and we randomly met a friend of his who i had kissed a few months after our big break up. my boyfriend started getting really edgy, he said he felt uncomfortable and embarrassed. i asked why? he explained he was jealous and didnt like the thought of me kissing his friend (thats rick coming from him since he broke up with me and was dating and sleeping with another girl jsut weeks after me) but said he'd get over it, kissed me on the forehead and led me away. we started having a great evening, joking around. i made a little joke about his firend and my boyfriend went a little crazy, started having a go at me, and really started to talk me down. he started saying how he doesnt talk me down, that he doesnt rub it in that he slept with the other girl etc and i went to the ladies and started crying. after a while, he came after me into the ladies, ran into the ladies and started shouting my name and grabbed me when he saw me and started kissing me and saying sorry. i was very upset the whole night. his reaction hurt me. he said sorry that he did over react and he understands this situation is much more difficult for me and he will stop his moods and anger and be more considerate of me. i got drunk and i stayed ovre at his place, ill.
i thought staying over at his place would get us close, more intimate. i stayed over a few more nights. it was nice, untill last thursday evening. friday mrning i woke up, and i had to go early bvecause of payment parking outside his place. he woke up and paid for one hour extra, thats how much he could afford, so i ahd to go early. shame he couldnt plan it, get money, and let me stay for a few hours extra. anyway, he had to revise. hes got exams in 5 weeks. i got annoyed, hes always moaning about work, but he had plenty of time to meet up with a girl he use to be inl ove with during the evening. i worked all weekend. he was at home with family doing revision. sunday evening i got back from work and i asked him to come see me at me home town, suggested we go for a walk in the beautiful woods nearby but he said he had revision and his brother needed the car- but he coulve easily come to see me.
plus last week we had organised to go on a cycling trip, i asked to arrange it to sunday, he said "i like going home during weekends" had a huge argument, i felt so offended, his explanation "it takes me time to adjust my plans during the weekend"
he isnt putting in effort. is he? nothing has been said nor done to make me want to be with him. as i said before, im only with him because im hoping we can get what we had. but i REALLY cant see that anymore. hes got exams in 5 weeks, all he seems to do is revision. im constantly waiting for a nice suprise from him, or for him to say something nice.
i know i am wrong to break up with him so many times, but im fed up and shall i suggest a break untill his exams are over? and hope to get over him?
im sure this could make more simpler for

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