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I will try to make this short, key word being try. :) I am a stay at home mom with a five year old and a two year old. My husband and I were both in agreement that I would stay home with the kids while they were little then when they were in school, I could go back to work. Now he brings up that he feels that I should be doing something and bringing in an income. I told him that I thought I would go back to work once my two year old was in preschool but he feels that I should just put them both into daycare and start working yesterday. My oldest will be in school in August but for only half a day and to put my youngest in daycare full time would cost more than we can afford, around $500-700 per month. My husband feels like if I'm not earning a paycheck then I'm not pulling my weight. All the bills are paid each month with a little extra left over, a little. I think he is getting irritated with me because he is listening to these women at his work. They are always in people's business and they are bringing up the fact that I don't work to him and saying things like, "How can you ever get by with just one paycheck?" to him and he actually listens to them. And the women forget the fact that when they had little kids, they stayed home with them too. I guess he holds these people in high regard and doesn't want them to think less of him. When he told me what they had been saying, I got annoyed and asked why they were even trying to get in the middle of our business and asking questions about our financial business. He just said that they asked questions and he thought it would be rude to not answer them. I told him to tell them that its not their business and he got upset with me for talking bad about his friends at work. Even if I went back to work, I'm not sure I could find a full time job that would even pay the daycare expense and still have money left over. I think he feels like I don't do anything being a stay at home mom. Its even got to the point where he feels like since he goes out to work and gets paid, he hardly helps with the kids anymore and even the housework. When he gets home from work, he eats the dinner I made and then spends the rest of the night on the computer with his fantasy sports. If I even ask him to help out with something or to play with the kids he gets upset and says he's too busy. I feel like I'm on mom duty and house duty 24/7. And if everything is not spotless when he gets home, he grumbles that he has to take care of it since I didn't do it. Honestly, he hasn't always been like this, just this last year he just doesn't seem to want to be a part of our life at home. Of course I've nagged him and he's gotten angry and stopped talking with me to show me how mad he was. If I went back to work, would he start wanting to help with the kids and house again? Even if I went back to work, I still have to find out how to pay for the huge daycare bill and still have extra money left over. He seems to think by having lots of money and things, that will make you happy. That's the type of people he hangs around with at work. I know he loves me and the kids but right now he just seems distant from us. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my huge rant! :) I guess this is just something that men and women will always be at odds with.
I don't think you are being selfish. On the other hand, for one person to stay home, you both need to be in agreement, if you aren't in agreement it probably won't work. Now, that is no excuse for him not hleping out after work and on weekends, I have stayed home in the past as well, but I had no intention of being on call 24/7, my huband did as much as I did on weekends and at night and made sure that I got plenty of time to myself out of the house without kids since he realized staying at home was also hard work. I think if your husband wants you to go back to work, you may as well do it if you are comfortable with it. However, he should pay half the daycare bills, at least. And, you have to have a discussion with him about chores and childcare, because whether you decide to stay home or go back to work, he needs to be an active parent and help out around the house. It sounds like your husband is looking for excuses not to help out and to parent his children, and that isn't right.
Did you explain all these things to him? I mean does he realize how much daycare is and that when you get a job things will have to start being equal? I do not think you are being selfish since this was an agreement you two had....not these others co-workers. I would be mad that he is even talking about it at work and letting these women have an influence on your guys relationship. Good luck....
You were both in agreement that you would raise your children full-time until they were in school. Now he wants you to put them in daycare and go to work. Why did he suddenly change his mind? Did he give any other reason besides telling you that you're not "pulling your weight"? I'm not sure how anyone could think that being a full-time mother isn't pulling your weight? I also don't understand why it's more important to be polite to co-workers than it is to be polite to you. Yes, he has to work with them every day, but he has to [I]live [/I]with you.
You said that this last year he doesn't seem to want to be a part of the family. He retreats to the fantasy sports on the computer after eating dinner. What is it about the fantasy sports that is so much better then spending time with his children? Something just doesn't sound right.
I would tell him the next time his co workers queastion why and how you get by on just one income.He instead of feeling like a failure should feel proud that he is able to support his family and allow his two children to have a full time mom.
I don't know, something about it doesn't sound right. There's got to be more to it than that. He's choosing the computer over his family. It sounds like something else is on his mind. Have you had a serious discussion with him about his lack of involvement with the family?
There is far to much pressure put on us women to have kids, and to work the same hours as our partners, as well as expected to run the household etc!

I think things have changed for the worst! yes I do, sorry I am just old fashioned! does any of these women he works with have children in day care? if so, I am sorry but they are putting their own needs before their kids.

Young kids need their mums, they need the nuturing that only their mum can give!

Obviously money is tight, so you cut your cloth accordingly! which is what you are obviously doing! if your husband has to cut back on luxuaries for a few short important years of his kids life, then so be it!

You have some money left over you say, so explain to him that your kids needs and happiness mean more to you than a few extra quid to keep up with the Jones!

He obviously feels embarrassed infront of these women, but don't ever let him make you feel ashamed for being at home.

Being a mum to young children is your job, and your responsibility until they go to school. You shouldn't have to work so that you can afford to pay someone else to do it!

You are right to put your beliefs and morals and kids first!

There are some people who want kids, like a novelty, and think that with money they can pay someone else to deal with the inconvience of kids.

Being a mum is a full time job, and tell him for every woman that chooses work over the first few precious years of being a stay at home mum, there is at least one other that chooses to stay at home.

It sounds to me they are winding him up, and making him feel small, he should be respecting you as a mother as well as his kids.

Congratulations on doing a hard job :)
WOW!!! WELL said Brook!!!!
[QUOTE=MMParks]WOW!!! WELL said Brook!!!![/QUOTE]

Thanks, it is just just I am a stay at home mum, and some women do look down on us!

I expect I will get some flack here though! :)
Brook, I'm a female business owner, married, no children, and I agree 100 percent with what you said. Nothing at all wrong with being a little old fashioned. In fact, sometimes I wish I saw more of it these days.

Wonderful post :)
[QUOTE=StenoLady1]Brook, I'm a female business owner, married, no children, and I agree 100 percent with what you said. Nothing at all wrong with being a little old fashioned. In fact, sometimes I wish I saw more of it these days.

Wonderful post :)[/QUOTE]

wow, thanks, I hope this positive input helps the original poster to stick to what she firmly rightly believes in!

It is nice to know that there are still some women that have the old fashioned values in life, and like you say, I also wish I saw more of it! :)

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