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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey there. It's always great to hear both sides of a story.


[QUOTE]if a woman truly had a man who would do anything for her, then that woman would have absolutely nothing to complain about, right ? - - -that woman would always feel secure & loved & respected & fulfilled, no ? Can any woman 'honestly' say their man makes them feel like that all the time ?[/QUOTE]

Well, me, for one. He treats me like an absolute queen and would do anything in his power to see that I am happy and content at all times. But then again, I demand nothing less. (Now, if I was man then I would be demanding the same from a girlfriend. I don't think it is a gender thing so much as a personality thing). And I do make sure to return the favors.
I mean, of course there are basic things about yourself that you shouldn't change for a partner, just on principal, and certain things you should not be expected to give. He won't drive the kind of car I want him to, that's a big issue, but I let that slide, you know? Because really it isn't the end of the world. And you want a guy who stands for some things. The key is that he would never let me walk all over him, but still gives me everything he can. That makes all the difference.

I don't think it is fair to say your sweetie could be friends with your female friend is she wanted to. Thing is, she [I]doesn't[/I] want to. Yeah, in a perfect world they would get along beautifully and make your life that much easier. But this friend of yours treated your girlfriend with outright disrespect by horsing around with you in front of her. It's on your friend to make your girlfriend feel comfortable and relaxed, and she isn't doing that.

But it also isn't fair to expect you to just dump a friend you have known for years and years. Now, I don't like any of the friends my boyfriend has. Not a one. Really, he collects the most eccentric bunch of losers I've ever encountered. People just kind of gravitate toward him because he is so strong. But I don't give him any crap about it. I just say, "Well, spend time with your friends, and then come spend time with me." It works out perfectly.

[QUOTE]Doesn't some happiness & security come from within ? No matter how close 2 people are, a woman can't rely, solely, on her husband for her happiness..... [QUOTE]

Oh, of course not. No way. Now, her husband should bring her nothing but happiness, but there should also be other sources where a woman draws happiness. If you feel like your girlfriend is too dependent on you, then that is an issue you have to work on.

[QUOTE]But it seems that women are always excused for their actions because of the way they 'feel'.... like there's some mysterious force that takes control of a woman... [/QUOTE]

Yeah, it's called hormones.

It seems like you have a problem accepting the fact that women are emotional. A person can be emotional and strong at the same time. I think if you want a relationship with someone who is completely stoic and closed off maybe you should look for another man? Of course, there is a marked difference between "emotional" and "melodramatic." I myself am rather emotional, but let myself drift into the realm of melodrama every now and then. But my boyfriend knows by now to just be amused.

I did get the impression that your girlfriend expects you to always feel exactly the same way as she does, and that of course is not going to work. I think maybe you need to understand and accept her a little better, and she needs to realize you are two separate people and do not need to constantly mirror each other's emotions.





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