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Hello .. Mr X, here. (male)

Whew ! I hesitated to read these comments, when 'Graciella' first suggested that I take a look. I thought there was going to be alot of man-bashing. I read through all of the posts, & I thought some ppl actually gave some useful advice. The 'starting a war' stuff?.. if Graciella were that type of woman, i wouldn't be with her. She's got too much class for that type of behaviour..

I just feel like i have to add a few things.

Breaking up is not an option for us. I believe we're both committed to working things out. We love each other. Neither of us doubt that (despite what some onlookers may think) the question of 'love' is not a question for us @ all... I gave my female friend sh** for the ice cube on the belly thing(not @ the time, I wasn't gonna cause a scene because it was during a children's birthday party).. i thought that was an extremely odd thing for her to do.. i gave her sh** for doing it , & i gave her husband sh** for thinking it wasn't a big deal.. in the 14 or 15 years i've known her, she's never touched me or tickled me or done any of that type of stuff (before, or since).. i think it's important to stress that her husband is one of my best friends & i've known him for 16+ years... I commend Graciella for keeping her cool during that episode.. she was composed & handled it gracefully - - - & we didn't agrue about that after it happened, because i agreed that it was shocking & rude.... I absolutely hate to admit it, but that incident may suggest that my female friend's actions may not all be so innocent..... i don't believe that means i should cut her off, but i've already told her that i expect her to be supportive of my relationship & she should want to befriend Graciella or recognize her feelings, at least, because she's my wife (for all intents & purposes), & if my friends truly want me to be happy then they should want to cater to my wife as well...

The whole "a man should do anything for his woman" - - i mean, yes that's very poetic & it's a lovely thought, but you all know that's not true... c'mon.. any woman who says her man would do ANYTHING for her......whoa ! That's an extremely bold statement..... if a woman truly had a man who would do anything for her, then that woman would have absolutely nothing to complain about, right ? - - -that woman would always feel secure & loved & respected & fulfilled, no ? Can any woman 'honestly' say their man makes them feel like that all the time ? I highly doubt it.... I'm very willing to do alot to make my girl happy, but anything ?- - in my emails to Graciella, sometimes I am poetic, but sometimes i gotta be realistic as well - - & truly, I don't believe there is a human being alive who would do absolutely anything for somebody... Almost anything - - yes - - anything? not possible.
Only Jesus would do anything for someone else... but that's another story.

(sorry this is so long....)

I've another a question: aren't both partners supposed to attempt some type of compromise in a healthy relationship ? Alot of the latter posts seem to suggest that it's the man's job to make a woman happy. I agree, to a great extent. But doesn't some of the responsibility fall on the woman's shoulders ? Doesn't some happiness & security come from within ? No matter how close 2 people are, a woman can't rely, solely, on her husband for her happiness..... i realize that some ppl who replied may be speaking from their hearts, & possibly didn't filter their thoughts fully, & that's ok-- everybody is entitled to their opinion.... But it seems that women are always excused for their actions because of the way they 'feel'.... like there's some mysterious force that takes control of a woman... where is the accountability ? Where's the strength and determination ?.. some of you make it seem like women, in general, are an uncontrollable heap of emotions who are incapable of logical thought or objectivity... i think that's pretty insulting to women to suggest that they cannot control their reactions...... not necessarily control their feelings, but their reactions.... it sounds like some of you suggest that women don't have the ability to empower themselves...

True, I do have to alter my relationship with my female friend - - - - i gotta say something else: it feels really strange, to me, to have to center her out like this - - for 15 years, i've never thought of her as anything but a friend.. to me, she's like one of my guy friends (i know, i know... alot of you don't think it's possible for men & women to be friends, but this is honestly how I feel)
Before 'Graciella' came into my life, i never referred to her as my 'female friend'... it was never questioned, by anyone... for (oops) 10 or 11 years, it was never questioned - - - - Graciella and I started dating four years ago... so i realize it has to change.... if Graciella wanted to be her friend (or friendlier) she could .. ppl can do almost anything they want.. it's not like they're so different.. they both have similar hobbies.. they both love kids.. i don't know.. i don't think it's so hard to make small talk or to ask someone questions.. we do it everyday... everyone has to deal with someone they don't like---whether it be a co-worker or a relative or whomever..

These posts were started a while ago, and some things have changed over the past couple of weeks. I agreed with Graciella that I wouldn't initiate any contact with my friend. I don't think that's necessarily a reasonable solution, but I realise how much it bothers Graciella so I'm willing to try alot of things. Ultimately, Graciella wishes I would never contact my friend or speak to her 'alone' - - this 'alone' thing - - i just don't understand the fear.. what is Graciella actually afraid of ? she says she trusts that I wouldn't cheat on, what is she afraid of ? any suggestions ?
BTW, this friend of mine will be living about 3000 miles away from us, and the last time Graciella and I lived that far away I think I spoke to her (phone & email) maybe 4 or 5 times in 5months...

I will include Graciella in all aspects of my life. She can read my emails, she can be in the room if i'm on the phone.. i've got nothing to hide. Graciella has to be willing to accept a few things as well.... it's not all about one person.. a relationship is based on two ppl working together and making concessions and compromising.... i would never 'order' my mate to do something and I don't expect my mate to give me orders or 'rules'.

Man oh man.... I am trying... truly I am... but I just can't believe what some of the women(and men) posted:
"just do what she says !"..
" i would do anything for my woman !"
I'm paraphrasing, of course....

So what responsibilities does Graciella have if she truly wants our relationship to work... and trust me, she does.. you can ask her, yourself.

Once again, sorry for the long post...

I just have trouble believing that Graciella is that helpless and weak. I give her way more credit than that. I realise this is extremely difficult for her..and that's why i'm making concessions.... hasn't anybody ever heard the expression "meet me half way" ? so where's the middle ground if men are simply expected to do anything while the women (according to alot of the posts) aren't really expected to do anything at all ?

Bottom line is: we both really want this to work.. would Graciella have started this topic if she didn't ?
I honestly believe in 'mind over matter'. If we want it to work, it will. We're both not gonna have our way... compromise is the only way... when did 'compromise' become such a dirty word ?

I think I've said alot, here.. certainly not all that's on my mind, but I'm done for now...... thanks for reading.

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