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Relationship Health Message Board


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Thanks for your reply Bluelani. I'm not too bad on weekdays when I have to go to work, it's the weekends that are killing me. They were totally filled up with him for so long, spending the whole weekend at his place. This weekend will be especially hard since it's a long weekend here. Two days is hard enough! It's hard to sit around in my small place and wonder what he is doing and how much I miss being at his place and with him. I just feel so alone. You're right about the self-esteem. He made me feel so bad about myself sometimes, that I hardly have any left at all. I have to work on that. Also, it's really hard when you're older to make new friends. So, I feel like I'm going through hell right now. Hard not to be part of a "couple" anymore. Oh well, everyone keeps saying it will get better, so I guess we just have to hang on.

Wishing you a good day too, I know how hard it is.

Take care.
Sophia, I know you would never abandon a friend--you are a wonderful friend! You and Jenna both are really special women and I bet all your friends feel really lucky that you are part of their lives. If they don't, they're idiots. Fibrana and Sophia--your posts made me sad too for the same reason Jenna mentioned. It just sucks that there are people out there who are so insecure and narrow-minded that they won't hang out with their friends regardless of who is in a relationship with whom. I know it can be hard to make new friends, but you both deserve more from your friends, you definitely deserve friends who will be there for you no matter what and who want to be your friend unconditionally. I'm sad to hear you two aren't looking forward to the weekend! I wish you could come here and visit me, I am going to be celebrating all weekend and MN is awesome in the summer! Anyway, you guys should all keep in mind that you can be your own friend--after all in the end the only thing we can really count on is ourselves. I know not everyone likes to be alone and do stuff alone, but it's better than doing nothing and being unhappy. Fibrana, don't feel badly about sharing your feelings with your sister and friends, they should be there to support you. It also might really help to talk to a therapist--what do you have to lose? Breakups are tough, really devestating and life-changing events, and it's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling. I felt the same way when my last serious boyfriend who I dated for 3 years moved out of our apartment--everything was different and I was just devestated. But gradually with time it got easier, and now I can look back and be happy we split up because my life now is better than it would have been if we stayed together. I still love Patrick and we are on very friendly terms, because he is a nice man, but I'm totally over him in any romantic sense, and I would have never thought that was possible while I was so upset over our breakup. So time does heal all wounds, and things do get easier, though I realize that is impossible to imagine while you are in the midst of so much pain. Just hang in there and try to take care of yourself, doing whatever you can to cope and move on. And remember to be a very patient, kind friend to yourself now while you're going through a tough time--you will not always feel this bad, and you will find someone much better to love at some point in the future, so don't give up hope ok!
Hi Fibrana! This situation must be so tough on you, especially that your breakup is so recent and you were engaged to this man, thinking you would get married and spend your life with him. It's so hard to go from that to being single again. Your hopes and dreams were shattered and I think it's very natural and normal for you to be mourning it. I wish there was some "magic pill" that would take your pain away and make you feel better in an instant, but unfortunately it doesn't exist. This is going to be a process and you will go through ups and downs. I had a broken engagement too, a few years ago, and I survived, and so will you.

You will get through it because deep inside you are strong, and you will even love again, as impossible as it sounds now. Try to take it one day at a time; find something, even a small project to do each day, or maybe visit a place in your city that you always wanted to go to but never had a chance, like a botanical garden--somewhere where you'd be surrrounded by beauty and nature. It always helps me when I'm feeling down to go for a long walk in a pretty neighborhood, or sit and look at the ocean. It calms your mind. Gambling will only make you feel more depressed and it doesn't strike me as an environment that would nourish your soul. You need things to nourish your soul now. Go to a bookstore and pick up a couple of books that appeal to you--something uplifting and encouraging. If it's possible, it would also be great if you could go away somewhere for a couple of weeks. Do you have any friends who live either abroad or in another state whom you could visit? Or sometimes travel agencies offer group tours for people in specific age groups--my friend went on a few when she was single, and it was fun. She went to Spain and Greece, and other countries with other single people and she even made some friends on those trips. That would be a MUCH better investment of your money than a casino, in my honest opinion.

As for your ex dating someone new already and being happy and care free--I wouldn't bet on it. Please try not to think about these kind of things because your imagination will run with it and make you feel more down. The truth is, you don't know what he's doing. Tell yourself he's alone and miserable as ever, and still full of his weird issues. I very much doubt that he has a new gf after only a few weeks after the breakup. I bet you he's thinking the same about you--that you're probably dating a new guy, happy with him, etc. That's what we tend to think about our ex's. Most of the time, it's not true, though. And besides, the fact still remains that he did not treat you kindly and put you through hell in the last few months. He's not a changed man--he's still the same, don't forget.
Thanks for your replies. I agree going to the casino isn't the greatest thing, but it gets me out of the apt. for a few hours and kills the day, plus I get to talk to people. I will look for some other things to do because I can't afford this much longer!

I'm pretty sure he is with someone new because he doesn't wait long at all between relationships from past experience. Even last June when we broke up for a few days, he had put 3 ads on internet dating sites. I was so mad. I wonder to this day if he kept in contact with a couple of women he mentioned chatting to. After that breakup though, we got back together and became engaged, so I put it out of my mind. Who knows though. When we knew we were breaking up (after a big fight again), we had a trip already booked, so decided to go on it as friends. Bad idea. He was cold on the trip, made nasty remarks, and I was in tears the whole time almost, especially knowing we were breaking up when we got back. For all I know, he could have put ads on when we were together so he'd have someone right away after our breakup. She'll find out what he's like in a couple of months. His moodiness, silences, finding something to argue about. However, he is so romantic and loving in the beginning, and I find I'm jealous of his new love. Can't get things out of my mind.

The day we broke up, he cried with me for 6 hours saying how sorry he was for hurting me, what a good woman I was, etc. I just find it so hard that he can move on that fast after being so distraught about it. Oh well, I know I have to move on, it's just hard after being with someone so much for 1-1/2 years, then suddenly being on my own again. I miss everything about it. And, I still love him so much, even though he was cruel sometimes with his words. He couldn't accept my past and the fact that I had a lot of boyfriends in my 26 years single. I could never get through to him that he was the most special of all and made all my dreams come true. He just couldn't get over it and it haunted him. Anyway, it's a long story and is in my thread here.

It's hard knowing it's his birthday today and wondering how he is, who he's with etc. Very hard.

Well, one more day to go of this long, dreadful, lonely long weekend. I actually look forward to going to work!

Thanks again for your replies.





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