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I have been here reading everyones posts just to keep me busy and to see if I can help with some advice. I have noticed that alot of women are suffering with the selfesteem issue after a breakup. How is it that we seem to lose our self esteem when a guy turns his back? Why is it that we become weak I wish I could regain this peice of me back so that I could continue moving on. And why is it that women tend to hurt more then the guys do? Fibrana has been dealing with her breakup for 5 weeks now thats a long time for anyone to hurt in their hearts and try to goto work and be 100% women at the same time.

bluelani
[QUOTE=Bluelani]I have been here reading everyones posts just to keep me busy and to see if I can help with some advice. I have noticed that alot of women are suffering with the selfesteem issue after a breakup. How is it that we seem to lose our self esteem when a guy turns his back? Why is it that we become weak I wish I could regain this peice of me back so that I could continue moving on. And why is it that women tend to hurt more then the guys do? Fibrana has been dealing with her breakup for 5 weeks now thats a long time for anyone to hurt in their hearts and try to goto work and be 100% women at the same time.

bluelani[/QUOTE]

It's weird. I guess I'm not a normal guy, because I take breakups or rejections extremely hard. My guy friends think I'm weak because of it.

I feel pretty destroyed right now personally.
[QUOTE=Bluelani]I have been here reading everyones posts just to keep me busy and to see if I can help with some advice. I have noticed that alot of women are suffering with the selfesteem issue after a breakup. How is it that we seem to lose our self esteem when a guy turns his back? Why is it that we become weak I wish I could regain this peice of me back so that I could continue moving on. And why is it that women tend to hurt more then the guys do? Fibrana has been dealing with her breakup for 5 weeks now thats a long time for anyone to hurt in their hearts and try to goto work and be 100% women at the same time.

bluelani[/QUOTE]

Good question!

IMHO, I think it's the way women or I should say girls are raised and the "programming" we receive as young girls. We were or are programmed that we "need" men in our lives to be able to complete... we have movies like Jerry McGuire that sends messages to women that we need a man to be able to raise a well-adjusted kid. I understand about being in love... but what I'm talking about here is plain programming of young girls. However, lately, I'm seeing more movies that depicts women as strong, independent and successful and young girls today are receiving that message. However, there are still plenty of women out there who are raising young girls as they were raised. The cycle will continue until someone stops that sort of message. And besides, breaking up is never easy. No matter who initiates the break up, it's still a form of rejection. Especially if the heart has had a few scars from past break ups. As we get older, there are things that gets easier and breaking up is not one of them.

I hope I was able to give you some insight. :D
IMHO, I think it's the way women or I should say girls are raised and the "programming" we receive as young girls. We were or are programmed that we "need" men in our lives to be able to complete... we have movies like Jerry McGuire that sends messages to women that we need a man to be able to raise a well-adjusted kid.

Yes, I was going to post something similiar, that line in Jerry McGuire disgusts me, you complete me, please give me a break. And why are girls taught that they need a man to be happy, that the man takes precedence over their own interests and friends and life? Why are girls not taught to value their friendships and themselves and education as much as " having a man"...I was raised a bit differently, my mom always always taught us to be independant, strong, to value our family and friendships and to actually nurture my freindships even when I was in a relatinoship, she always told me that the older I got the more I would really appreciate having friends in my life. Also, why do some feel that having a boyfriend or being married doesn't mean you are better than someone who doesn't...don't you find this alot that all of a sudden you are looked down apon because you are single, there is term I like to use, " smug marrieds" and it's so true, like get off yourself, so you are married, big freaking deal...Honestly I couldn't live the way I hear alot of people living, just hanging out with my husband and son and having no freinds of my own and nothing going outside of that, I would just be so unhappy...frankly I think I'm more interesting and well roudned because I do have my own interests and can bring that to the table when I'm talking to my husband, I'm not just into him and his interests. I just have to tell you guys I"m really enjoying reading some of yoru posts, you all seem like great people...
think the misconception of what a lot of young girls are being taught, or at least when I was growing up is incorrect. Speaking for myself, I was always told to marry a doctor or a lawyer so my life would be easier.
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Yes, this is common a think, the white knight thing. My mom wasn't that way so maybe that has somethign to do with how I am. The thing is though, even if you do marry a doctor and are all wealthy and he " takes care of you"...I don't think that should be enough, everyone should have the ability to take care of themselves regardless because you never know what will happen. We all hope that it will be forever, but realistically you just don't know.

remember a guy who broke up with me a long time ago. He never really told me that he didn't like my independence, not calling him on a daily basis, not clingy, etc
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That's too bad, although probably for the best. YOu really can't change people, I am that was too, not at all clingy and when I'm dating someone I certainly don't need to call them all the time and be around them all the time. I had guys who didn't like that as well, but instead of breaking up they did try to change me. It didn't work and I ended up breaking up with them. I had one guy that thought I should want to spend all my free time with him, and never go away with friends, and one time when I did go away for a weekend with some friends, he actuallys earched my pictures afterwards convinced I hadn't shown him some of the pics, like I must be hiding something since I did stuff without him. I always say what you see is what you get, women do this alot, find a guy with " potential" and think they can change him, well you can't, people are what they are.

As far as the breaking up thing, I have had some brutal ones too, usually involving cheating and I left right away. And yes I did wonder, as both times it was with a girl I knew, once a good friend. But then I realized that it's not always about me, that when I broke up with people it wasn't always necessarily to do with them, it can just be bad timing or just not clicking properly or whatever the case may be. It's not this big personal thing even though it feels like it is. I would say alot of breakups ( unless they involved cheating or abuse) usually involve bad timing, not being ready to settle down, or not wanting to settle down, getting bored easily...





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