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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Man, what a dilema.

Personally, I would be more hurt and concerned about an emotional relationship than a physical one. Sex without emotion is meaningless. Emotional connection without sex is still an emotional connection.

You are old enough to have this stuff figured out. You are also old enough to have learned how to forgive. In 34 years of marriage, hasn't your relationship had a rebirth or two over time?

The STD factor is a concern, however. Are these recent "blooms" that she is having? Do you have any symptoms of an STD?

I haven't figured out why, but I could forgive a singular physical tryst on the part of my wife. It would hurt, but I could understand a one-time shallow physical affair. However, for whatever reason, if that affair brought an STD into the relationship, I would not be forgiving. I would be pragmatic and for me, that would mean getting out of the relationship. Funny how the same act has a different dynamic when and STD is involved.

Affair or no affair, if your wife has some kind of lesion or shanker or pimple on her privates, it is reasonable for you to expect her to go to a doctor and get a clean bill of health openly discussed with you, her doctor, and you.

Naturally, you should get tested too.

If she does have an STD that she did not have when you married her, it would not be unreasonable if you wanted to part ways.
If she's acting suspicious and hiding stuff then she's 99.99999% surely having an affair. It really doesn't make a hill of beans if it's an on line affair or if she's having a physical affair with the guy next door, it's still an affair! If you think she has herpes, she probably does have herpes. Sores don't just appear out of the clear blue sky...they are most likely herpes. Herpes is so common and is getting more and more common as the days roll by!!!!!!! Anyone that's had unprotected sex with anyone should be tested. Even if you have never had any symptoms that you would associate with herpes it's still a good chance that herpes is hiding out in your body(asymptomatic)...genital herpes effects 25% of adults in the many as 90% of the adult population has hsv 1 typically associated with cold sore but can be transmitted through oral sex giving that person genital herpes. YEP! Just think about how many people you know that have cold sores...they can spread it to genitals and most people have never been told this! You need to go to the doctor and have them run the IgG blood test and find out for yourself if she's given it to you and it doesn't matter if you have symptoms or not..that does not mean you haven't caught it. Just the fact that the wife won't go be tested is such a clue that she has everything to hide!

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