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Breaking Up?
Jul 1, 2006
Hey Guys,

It's been a while since I posted here and I'm sure some of you won't even remember me, but that's okay!

Recently, a little over 3 months ago, I entered into a relationship with a girl I have known for a year and half, We meet online a year and half ago and went on a few dates back then, but she was too wild and outgoing for me, so it did not work out. We went on a few dates again here and there but I always decided to just go with the flow.

Well, I eventually decided to just say "Ah what the heck, I'll just go with the flow this time" and we started dating and I overlooked some of the small things that bothered me before (talking loud in public, physical apperence, etc) and just give it a chance to see what happens.

It actually went really good for a while, we had great times together, we went places with her parents, she visited my family a lot, etc. However, I was living in a "dream world" My mind always said "oh, it could always be worse"

However, overtime things started opening up my eyes a little, like how she lives, what type of person she really is, and what my family really thought of her, and what's she's doing to my life. Sure, before we started dating, I was a home body, I never ever got out, I was very depressed, etc, however, how I am so stressed emotionally I cannot eat sometimes which as been resulting in wait lose as well as my job preformance has been falling.

In short: I'm at a breaking point. All my credit cards are maxed, We fight all the time (a few times a week usually) as well as, My company is having a lot of problems and my job security is at risk (workload dropping because people are no longer using pagers) and I currently have a job interview with an new company which could change my life for the rest of my life as the pay is very good and so are the benifites, and I cannot have so much stress in my life which will risk this job.

I thought I loved her, however, the way she's been treating me I really don't know now. I gave her $200 for her insurence because she's been out of work and needed money to pay it, and when I was at the ATM and gave her the money, she didn't say a word and just turned and started walking to her car... She didn't say thanks or anything. We got down the road (two seperate cars) and at the gas station I said in a joking way (didn't wanna start a fight) I said "Don't even say thanks... dang!!" and she was like "well i didn't have the chance, etc etc" How hard is it to just say thank you?

Tonight was the first night I hung out with my friend Jeff, him and his girlfriend cooked dinner for me and we all hung out and talked for a while (my girlfriend was not with me) and she called me while I was eating dinner. I just hit the ignore button and then she paged me and said "Ur a jerk. Answer your phone, I need you to tell me how to fix this thing!" I told her that I couldn't because I was eating and well, she got all made and started paging me messages like "well next time you call me and i don't wanna talk i will no answer!!!! forget about the thing that needs fixing!!"

There was also one time we drove 50 miles away to go to a waterpark, we had a blast all day, best time I had in a very long time. At the end of the day I was just so tired I wanted to go back and relax at the house, but her friends called wanting to go to the club and she wanted us to go... when I told her I was too tired, she started yelling at me and wouldn't talk to me for a few hours. She does had ADHD and BiPolar, however, she has such the rudest attutide ever.. I wanted to go home one night and she's like "why? you and your moms idea of spending time with each other is going in each others room for 15 mins the entire night!"

My question is... I want to break up, and I have tried in the past and she cried and then started yelling and cursing at me telling me how worthless of a person I am, of course, I felt guilty and gave in to try once more and here I am again. I want to break up with her, but at the same time, I have a hard time doing it.

When I was single, I was unhappy and depressed a lot (and my mom was very worried when I was that depressed) however, now that I see what a relationship is made of, I honestly don't want a relationship in my life right now... I want to focus on my new job (if i get it) and getting my bills paid off... I want to focus on creating a better life for myself.

Before the relationship, I used to go out to eat for lunch everyday... cheap lunch like $5-$7, now, I take a cold ham sandwich to work everyday because I am so tight on money being with her.

What should I do????

Thanks!
Re: Breaking Up?
Jul 11, 2006
M1k,
Having a girlfriend isn't a cure for depression. Not having a girlfriend isn't the reason for depression. I'm sorry, but what your mom said is so wrong. Have you ever thought about seeking another outlet for your depression? Join a gym, for example? Exercise is a proven way to help with depression. Find a hobby, go to church, do something that increases your chances of finding someone suitable for you.

I admit, I understand where you are at. I know it's difficult breaking things off with a person who does everything in their power to prevent you from ending things. I've experienced this not too long ago and the advice given to you is something you MUST follow or your ex girlfriend won't leave you alone, at least until, she finds another "victim" to manipulate. She has a mental illness, and it takes a lot out of people dealing with certain types of bipolar-like your ex who exhibits ngry and irrational behavior. Sounds harsh, but if things aren't great now with her, they won't get any better. I'm not saying don't date her because she's bipolar...on the contrary I know some very bright, successful, good natured people who have that illness. Your ex, though, exhibits a type of bipolar that, if untreated, can be stressful to be around. I know you broke things off, but my reason for saying all of this stuff is to help reinforce your decision to end things. It's obvious she isn't good for you. You are doing the right thing by not sharing a cell phone contract...just keep your resolve. Why are you still talking to her, though? Loneliness and nobody else around? I undertand this too. When you are lonely and nobody seems to compare (and if things don't work with Jessica), don't let that be a reason for letting her back in to your life. This is what I did - my mind played tricks on me and I doubted myself. Dont' doubt yourself.

Like I've said, I went through the same thing....twice with 2 different people in 3 years! It was brutal, too, and like you, I'd rather be single. What happens is certain people, like myself, become vulnerable....and lonely and it's at that moment we let our guard down and the person persuing us sneaks back into our lives. It's up to us, though, to take charge and not let this happen. You are young....so change your ways now before you end up in your 40s still being manipulated by another, like I did. Scary thought, huh?

This Jessica girl, sorry to say, sounds like she isn't into you as much as you are into her. I could be wrong, but if you believe she's worth "you" then back off and don't pursue her. Let her come to you. Maybe by that time you'll be with someone who truly deserves you. It can happen, you know.

MAW





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