It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi friends. I would be grateful if anyone would read my story. Here goes:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for ~2.5 years. A year ago, I had to move 2 hours away for school. As trivial as 2 hours might sound, please understand that we had been used to seeing each other every free second of the day, and were both bearing harsh schedules after the move. As time
passed, I began voicing my worries to her sometimes about her going out - not that I don't trust her, but just concerns when she doesn't call me. I worry that she got into a bad situation, because bad (horrible) things have happened to her in the past when she drank. I asked her to call me after she gets home from going out, and that started a lot of fights. The fights were rooted in a combination of "her not calling me, and I'd get mad because I had worried all night without sleep" and that "I don't trust her".

About 3 months after I moved, things got real busy. I couldn't find time to visit, and when she offered to come down, I'd turn her away because it would be during the worst time in school. We've gone as long as 3 months without seeing each other even once, and it was only a 2 hour drive. This took its toll. She felt I wasn't making enough time for her, and that I was turning into some controlling boyfriend from afar. We'd fight over this and I'd tell her that she doesn't understand that my work isn't the same as hers (yes I'm an a-hole). I was too ignorant and too deep in my work to even realize that we were having such horrible issues. A year passed, our fights persisted.

Recently, we had been working on these problems. We almost broke up a few times due to fights mentioned above, but both felt that we were too important to give up hope. I made many plans to see her this summer, but I could sense that she wasn't as enthusiastic anymore. When I went up this weekend, she finally dropped the bomb and said we needed to take a break from talking to each other. This was something she suggested the last time we almost broke up, just about a month ago. We talked, and I talked her out of the idea into thinking that we just need to make more time for each other.

She said that recently, even though we've been working on our troubles, it felt more like she was hanging out with a good friend instead of a lover. She says she still loves me as before, but it feels more like she loves me as a best friend, not romantically. She believes that she has lost that spark - the intimacy - and would like some time to herself to rethink everything. She says she's going to see if not talking to me will devastate her, or if she can handle it. The next time she calls me, she should have an answer. My thoughts:

1) If not seeing each other is what started this whole thing, wouldn't it make more sense to strive seeing each other more often? It makes me think that she's beating around the bush because it was too hard to do it in front of me. I know that it would just prolong the process and exacerbate the ordeal.

2) I have lost the spark before in a relationship, and it was impossible, at least for me, to regain control of it. Is this a lost cause for me?

Needless to say I was not an optimistic person when she told me this. I immediately treated this idea of a "break" as the end of our relationship despite her protests that I needed to have more "faith" in this situation, and just wait for her. Although she assures me that it doesn't necessarily mean the end of things, I still think she has lost her love for me, and don't believe that it is something time alone will help regain.

It's only been two days, and I can't bear the reality of not speaking to her. I feel like I'm in confinement. I've lost motivation to do anything, and cry everytime I think about it. I feel powerless and unengaged in anything I do - I'm totally losing my mind over this until she can give me some closure. I lose my head everytime I think about the time we "wasted", and the process of having to find this type of person again. She was THE ONE. I love her, and I can't bear the thought of losing her :(

Thanks for giving your time to help others in a time of distress. I really do appreciate any feedback.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:23 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!