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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Yes, sadly, it often is a deal breaker, though I can understand that you don't have a desire to have children. I myself go through phases: sometimes I think I want them, sometimes I don't, depending if I saw sweet, adorable, well behaved children that day or horrible, screaming, bratty children lol. So I could go either way. But if your boyfriend feels strongly about having a child some day and you feel strongly against it, I don't see how this could be resolved :( A good friend of mine is like you; she absolutely hates children and has no patience with them/doesn't know how to relate to them. She knew since a young age that she had absolutely no interest in becoming a mother. When she got married, I guess they were in love and they didn't discuss these issues, and after a few years it became a huge problem. Her husband was quite older than her and was pushing her to have a child because he wanted one badly. She, on the other hand, didn't want a child at all. So, in the end, she left him because she thought it wasn't fair to him that she's depriving him of being a father, especially that he was not a young guy anymore. Apparently, he later missed her so much he was begging her to come back and saying that he's ok with not having children, but she knew he was only saying that out of desperation and in his heart he still wanted children. She divorced him and is now very happy with another guy who doesn't want kids, as he has them already from a previous marriage (but they live with their mother and are not little kids anymore). I don't know what happened with the ex-husband, but I hope that he found a woman who was of the same mind with him, too. It's a fundamental issue, so I think you and your boyfriend should really talk honestly about it and see if you can come to an agreement on it. Otherwise, you will just be prolonging the inevitable by staying together and it will be even harder to break up after years together.

On a positive note, I think men in general tend to be more flexible on this issue than women. I mean, a lot of men still choose to marry or stay with women who are unable to have children. Still, you need to discuss it sooner rather than later, I think.

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