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[QUOTE=reminiscing]Twenty-five years ago, fresh out of college, a friend went after my boyfriend of three years, the love of my life, and got him, married him, had his children, etc. I later married someone who although I didn't totally love, is a great guy and loves me. We also have children....all of the children are teenagers. Fast forward a couple of decades and I ran into him while he was here on business. We live in different towns 300 miles apart. His marriage isn't good and neither is mine. We've been talking on the phone and on the internet for 10 months now. We would never do anything drastic until all of the children are out of the house and on their own. We're two soulmates who love each other, married to others. Sometimes I feel hope because it was truly a miracle we saw each other but sometimes I feel such despair. I don't want to go through my whole life loving someone I can't have. Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? How do you cope?[/QUOTE]

Dear Reminiscing,

How ironic, as I was reading your post, something similar happened to me over this past weekend.

Approximately 13 years ago, I met a single father who has a daughter the same age as my son. We immediately clicked. He and his daughter and me and my son did a lot of things together... we were like the little family we both craved, but too afraid to go forward. You see, at the time, I had just broken up with my fiance and I was still getting over my ex-fiance when I met this single Dad. We grew close, but not as BF and GF... we were very close friends. In hindsight, I truly loved him for the man that he is. We were also dating other people back then but we remained close friends, not wanting to believe that he was deeply in love with me at the time. He came to me annoucing his engagement and after all the stupid, childish things I did to stop his engagement, he married the girl. They now have a daughter together. I still have all of his love letters and cards and poems he'd given me.

He emailed me about 2 weeks ago telling me that he'll be in San Francisco for business and would like to see me. So I agreed. I also told my fiance about me meeting this "old friend" of mine and he wasn't concerned. When I saw my "old friend", my heart beated so fast, it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. I started sweating, I almost wanted to faint at the sight of him. I was so happy to see him and I was in tears. All the great memories came rushing back when the four of us used to spend so much time together. Time rushed by us, we didn't noticed it was no longer lunch hour at the restaurant we were at. I still love him, but I also love my fiance.

Just remember that many years have gone by and that the memories you have of him are good. Also, don't forget, if a man is an upstanding man, he wouldn't have taken off with "your friend".

Work on your marriage, yourself and your children. The root of the problem is within you and your marriage. It is easy to go "outside" our relationship and situation when things are just not going well, seeing that the grass is greener on the other side.

Just remember what your college boyfriend did... leopards don't change their spots. You owe yourself and your children happiness.

This is my advice.

May you find peace.

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