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It's really amazing how similar your thoughts are to what happened to me a couple of years ago. I was exactly where you are now, but things got better for me because I finally took some time to realize things and it was awesome! I ended up loving being single!

First a quick background. I started my first serious relationship at 17. We were engaged on my 18th birthday. It was long distance with him being in Canada and me in Chicago. Didn't work out (surprise!). That lasted 2 years. Only 2 months later I started dating someone else. He wasn't exactly what I wanted but I settled because I was afraid I wouldn't meet anyone else and we got engaged too. We lived together. That lasted 3 years and then it was over.

About 3 months after that breakup, I met a guy who was the most controlling and mentally/emotionally and verbally abusive person I've ever met in my life. And I was stupid enough to stay with him for 8 years! I broke up with him 7 times over those 8 years but we kept getting back together because I was weak and stupid and had no self-esteem. Thankfully we never got engaged.

Then after I finally broke up with him for good, I should have taken time off. But instead I started dating this complete and total geek who was totally not my type and I didn't like at all but again I settled. Thankfully that only lasted 9 months, but unfortunately by this time I was 30 years old and I realized I'd wasted the last 13 years going from one long term relationship to the next with barely a break in between.

So I realized I didn't know my self at all when Mr. 9 months broke up with me. I was terrified! All the sudden, I was on my own and I didn't know who I was outside the context of a relationship. My entire life for 13 years revolved around me and my boyfriend. But for the first time, it was just me, and me alone. I was so scared! And of course I was depressed for a while.

I talked to my sister a lot and my brother-in-law, during that time. They kept encouraging me to look for things to do that I enjoy and take this time I was given to really live my life. Really LIVE, I mean, do stuff I never had a chance to do before!

I took a few trips alone to places I'd never been. I started reading again because I had some time. I went to some movies alone. I went out to dinner, sometimes treating myself to a steak or something really nice. And after a while, my favorite part of the week became the weekend, because I could go home and just chill out and watch movies or tv or read or do whatever the hell I wanted and I didn't have to wait for someone else's schedule to make my plans.

After a while of really seriously monopolizing my time and maximizing it to the fullest extent, I really started enjoying being single and I got to the point where I really didn't care if I never dated anyone else ever again. I was loving being free for the first time since I was 17!! Oh MAN did it ROCK!!!

For me, because of how bad the last 2 relationships were, I had this epiphany during that time on my own where I realized that - I'd rather be alone and without a guy rather than be with someone who treats me like crap all the time and doesn't respect me. All of the time I spent on my own, sure I'd get lonely sometimes occaisionally, but even on my lonliest day, I still felt better than I did while in these last 2 relationships that truly hurt my heart more than anything.

It's going to take some time for you to get over this, that's totally ok. It's only been 7 weeks, you have not given yourself enough time to get over it!!!! Let yourself be sad to mourn over the loss of this relationship for a little while. But then don't allow it to consume you. Instead, take this time as I took my time, to really go out in the world and realize what you love about life and what makes you happy. When you honestly truly make time for yourself to get to know who you are at the core, it will give you a sense of freedom and independance that you never even realized existed inside of you.

The bottom line is, you don't need a man - not this man or any other man - to get through life. Each one of us (both male and female) have the ability and capacity to get through life on our own without a partner, but it's up to us to come to that realization and sense of independance on our own.

As a result of my taking that time for myself for about 2 years (give or take a month or 2), I was so much more prepared for my next relationship. I am with a guy who I really truly want to be with, and for the first time I don't feel like I settled. It's the greatest feeling ever! And moreover, I feel like I'm still my own independant person who can handle things so that if this relationship didn't work out, I'd be ok. I'd be sad, sure, but it wouldn't devastate me the way it did with the others in the past. I was finally ready to be in a truly mature and healthy relationship because I gave myself the time to get to know myself.

So that's what you need to do for yourself. Don't rush into another relationship. Don't spend the next several years mourning some guy who wasn't right for you. And don't worry about what he's doing now, because it really doesn't matter in your life anymore. If he has someone or not, that's not your concern. Your only concern should be - where to go from here and what kind of fun thing are you going to do to start the NEW and IMPROVED you? Your focus needs to be on YOU and not on him. He can go to hell, but your life belongs to you now. Take advantage of it and live. LIVE!!!!





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