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Relationship Health Message Board


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Well....we talked about living together and he made it clear this morning that I have to be okay with really moving on with our lives becuase right now the chance of us getting back together is miniscule. I have ot be okay with him leading a life completely separate from mine, seeing other people, having people over, etc. etc. I thought I could be okay with it and I said yes...but after thinking about this for pretty much 7 hours straight...I know that while I might be....there is a greater chance of not being okay with it.

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all the support I've been getting here.

The thing about staying in this area is I have no real reason to..My real friends are spread across the country, my job is a dead end, Baltimore is not a great city, and the only reasons up through now that were keeping me here were school (which I graduate from) and my boyfriend who couldn't move cause he is on SSI and he'd have to reapply in a new state yadda yadda yadda.

I talked to my mom today and she made a lot of sense, for once. If I stay here I'll be stagnant, sure I can go on dates and what have you...but living with him will never let me fully move on and I see that now. I want to be ok with seeing him with other women, I think there is a chance that I could be...but there is a greater chance I couldn't be and we'll just end up going in circles. He and I are best friends and I want to keep it that way...I know now that in order to maintain our friendship which is still very strong, I have to leave. This is such a hard decision but I know it's the right one.

As far as moving back home goes, I don't feel I'm taking a step backwards...Instead I feel like it's a huge step forward. Home is in New Hampshire, 45 minutes from Portland, Maine, an hour from Concord, 1 1/2 hrs from Portsmouth and 2 1/2 hours from Boston. I need some time to get myself centered again and to where I want to be within me and I also need to save up some money in the meantime in order to make a move to another city closer to my family...so staying with my dad is the best option. He's a really cool Dad and knows that just because I'm going to stay with him for a little while doesn't mean I'm staying there permanently and he knows that I'm an adult and isn't trying to set rules and treat me like a child. I have to say that I am the luckiest person in the world in this area...my father has been a rock to me since the day I was born. My mom has always had jealousy issues with him because we always had a close bond...ie I had colic when I was a baby and there is a story where one night I kept my mom up until 4 in the morning crying and crying, and my dad came out and took me and told my mom to go to bed...five minutes later I was asleep. That's just always how it has been, so being around him I am not worried I will revert back to feeling like a kid, and I know that he will be the best emotional support I could ask for right now.

I figure that I'll stay at my dad no more than two months...work some stupid retail or waitressing job, save some money and explore my options careerwise and see where they lead me. THis is so hard knowing that i am going to be leaving behind this person who has changed my life and has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me...but I know that it does he nor I any good if I stay, and I have to have faith that if this was ever going to work out again, that moving away won't change that. That if we were meant to be together, we will be someday. I won't regret leaving, the only regrets I have are why things fell apart, but I know that I have learned from those mistakes and am a better person for learning those things.

This is hard...really hard....but I know that staying here limits me a great deal. Going home, taking some time for me opens a world of possibility. I have the freedom to go where I want for a new job, I can be near my family again after five years and I can take time to focus on me. I love him too much to put either of us through what could happen should I stay....

God, please give me the strength to be okay.





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