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Okay, I've posted here before about my boyfriend and I. I know pretty much everyone told me to leave him...and I know you all probably think I'm stupid for not doing it. I feel weird posting here for advice, but I really need other peoples perspectives on things going on, so please bear with me and try to ignore my other post, for the time being. =/

My boyfriend and I used to hang out with his friends quite often. In the beginning of our relationship, I pretty much got along with them all, but as time went on, things happened, and we all didn't really like eachother very much. So I wasn't really invited to hang out anymore, which sucked, because my boyfriend would be with his friends a lot while I sat at home. However, there was one friend that was really cool, and was actually nice to me. He'd invite me places (with my boyfriend, of course) but he treated me like a person and not an annoying nag of a girlfriend, like his other friends did. My boyfriend and I would hang out a lot with this one friend last summer. I became friends with his friend, more or less. It was still sort of weird because he was my 'boyfriends friend,' but we were friendly enough.

Then my boyfriend got a job (last summer) and he'd be gone a lot. One day I was so bored, and I called my boyfriends friend (and mine, sorta?) to hang out. He came over, and it was fine, and we had fun. So he kept coming over the next few days. Whenever one of us was bored, we'd call the other one. It was stricly platonic, there's nothing there at all, and my boyfriend even said he didn't care because he trusted both of us, and it wasn't just some random guy, but his friend. He's told me that many times whenever we'd talk about it, how this one friend is the only one he wouldn't mind if he's with me alone. It felt good to be trusted and to finally have someone to hang out with sometimes, when my boyfriend wasn't around. (My one friend goes to college far away, and when she's home, works literally almost every day. So during the year, I'm totally alone when my boyfriend is out..which is a lot, lately)

Well, then that friend got into trouble and was put away for quite a few months. I was back to the friends that didn't like me, and treated me like I wasn't worth the time of day, so I was left out. I don't expectmy boyfriends friends to love me, but the don't have to completely exclude me, either. Anyway, it sucked. But within the past 2 weeks, the friend came back. He was really nice to me still (but like I said, in a friend type of way) and we've been hanging out. I didn't think twice about it, because my boyfriend has told me he trusted us, many times.

My boyfriend works 2 jobs, and he's gone a LOT. He'll be gone from 8 in the morning until like 11 or 12 at night (and usually longer, because when he gets off of us second job, he'll usually go drink with his friends or something) I'm alone ALL the time. It's lonely, and it's been driving me insane. My boyfriend has also been acting like it's such a chore to hang out with me, because I'm annoying and I complain too much, etc..so to have someone actually want to hang around me is nice. It's just nice to have someone to do stuff with while my boyfriend is gone, because I've been going insane sitting at home all day doing nothing with no one.

But yesterday my boyfriend saw that his friend was over again, and when my boyfriend and I went to buy cigarettes alone, he told me he didn't want me to hang out with his friend alone anymore. I said I wouldn't if he didn't want me to, but ever since he told me, I've felt like crap. I don't understand why, all of the sudden, he has a problem with it. He had no problem with it when it was happening last summer, and nothing has happened inbetween that time to make him not trust me. But now, I'm stranded without someone to hang out with again. I don't think he cares that I sit home alone all day while he's at work/drinking with his friends.

In his defense, I've asked him to please not hang out with girls, and him hanging out with a girl alone would upset me a LOT. But in my defense, he's cheated in the past, I haven't...and if he and my friend were hanging out, I'd have no problem with it, as I trust both people involved and I know nothing would happen. This is what he's said before, too. (By the way, I'm not saying because he cheated, there's a double standard and I can hang out with tons of guys...I'm just saying, I have reason to be worried..I've never given him a reason)

He's also told me (about a month ago) I can have guy friends, he doesn't care because he trusts me. But all of the sudden it's a problem, and I feel like a huge hypocrite getting upset about it and having him reconsider. But I just feel like he doesn't want me to spend more time with his friend than he does. It feels like he wants me to be lonely, or something. I don't know...I don't feel like it's about him being uncomfortable about it. And he does so many things I'm uncomfortable with, I almost resent that he's asking this of me, because I ask things of him..and he hardly ever respects it. He'll say I'm controlling, and usually do it anyway.

He will hardly talk about anything anymore. I'm almost afraid to bring this up because I don't want to make him mad, and have him say that he's just going to go hang out with girls then. If it was my friend, I honestly wouldn't care..it's just random girls I'm worried about.

That's why I need opinions, please...do I have a right to be upset, or am I being a horrible hypocrite? If it was any other guy, I wouldn't mind cutting him off, but I don't understand why suddenly it's a problem with this one friend. I know this seems extremely stupid and pety, but I've been sitting home alone for so many months now, it was such a nice break to finally get to hang out with someone. If I'm wrong, please feel free to tell me, and I won't even bring it up to him.
Hey, thank you very much for your reply.

I'm not a teenager, but in my early twentys, so it's kinda close. My boyfriend is younger than me though, so we still deal with teenage like issues.

The thing is, for the most part, I don't feel guilty about hanging out with the guy, because my boyfriend has told me many times he has no problem with it. I don't feel guilt in the sense that I'm doing something wrong. But on the other hand, part of me is always terrified that I'll do something wrong to make my boyfriend mad, and I'll screw things up. And now he's saying he doesn't want me to hang out with this guy, which I can completely appreciate, except it doesn't feel to me like it's because he's worried. I don't know, I can't explain it, and maybe he IS just worried. But not long ago he told me he trusted me to be friends with guys.

The thing is, I'm really worried a lot of the time. He's cheated in the past so I'm really anxious when he's around other girls. I don't WANT this to be a problem. I want us to have a normal, loving, comfortable relationship, but I feel like a lot of that was forfitted when he cheated. I know I need to get past that, that's my issue to deal with. But, a lot of the time he gets mad at me, not because the things I do bother him, but because it would bother ME if HE did it. It's kind of hard to follow.

Example: The other day at my job, it was really really slow. My boss on at the time was a guy, but he's in his late twenties (he seems very old to me) We had nothing to do, so we played 20 questions. It did not even cross my MIND that that would be an issue. We only made it to 8 questions and then it got busy again, so we stopped. I told my boyfriend this in passing, just explaining my day, and he got mad and called me a ****. I was really, really hurt and confused, because just a month or so ago, he told me I can talk to guys, he's okay with it, he trusts me. He got so mad, and said that if *HE* played 20 questions with some girl at his work, I'd '***** at him' but then *I* do it. I told him I honestly didn't think it'd be a problem, but now that I know it is, I won't do it again. I also said if his boss was like in her late 20s, I wouldn't care, because she's just..older. I also told him he told ME it's okay to talk to guys, that he trusts me, not worry about it...if he doesn't want that to be the case, just tell me, but don't call me names when it happens, when it was supposed to be okay. If he wants it to stop, I will, but I had no idea.

He's been really stressed lately. He says that there's a double standard and I do whatever I want, and he can't...but that is SO completely untrue.

[quote]
Either way, if your boyfriend has a legitimate problem with it, then you should take that into consideration. That's what a commited relationship is about- being open and honest, and mostly- compromise. Maybe there is some kind of compromise that can be made here. Maybe your BF just felt like you and this guy were spending too much alone time and he felt threatened by it.[/quote]

The thing is...I would love love love to have an open, honestly relationship where we both compromise until we're okay. We used to have that. But lately, he's been doing whatever, whenever, and if I don't like it..I'm a nagging *****. It's beyond frustrating, because I'm in a sitation where if I don't like something...tough, I have to deal, because he wants to do it. I feel like I'm sorta losing my mind at this point. I never, ever do that sort of thing to him. If something bothers him, I would talk until we came to a compromise. But he just wants to do whatever he wants. He says it's his life and I need to stop controlling him. It's not about control, I tell him that all the time, just some things hurt me (like getting drunk and staying out until 3 in the morning, or telling me he'll call and never calling, or saying we can hang out and never showing up, or smoking pot all the time..)

He used to be more understanding about the girl thing, because he has cheated. But after that 20 questions thing happened with my boss, he said he's going to stop avioding girls because he's sick of there being a double standard. He walked out during that fight, and we haven't talked about it since. I've been worried sick since it happened (last weekend) but I'm afraid to bring it up. I just feel like things are getting out of control and he cares more about having fun than how I'm feeling, at all.

I'm sort of rambling, I apologize. He may have a problem with my hanging out with his friend alone, but I just don't feel like that's the problem. He's said to me out right before he doesn't care if I talk to guys, but it's not fair that I can talk to guys and he can't talk to girls. But I would never talk to guys (hang out with, etc) if he didn't say it was okay. I feel like I'm getting mixed mesages. It just feels like he's doing it out of spite, for the wrong reasons. I don't even have guy friends, just this one guy that I hang out with sometimes. But we can't even really talk about it so I don't know where we can go from here.:confused:

I'm just tired of being lonely all the time.





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