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Relationship Health Message Board

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Oh Sweeite-
I'm so sorry you are going through this. What makes it worse is that you have a child to consider in all of this. I can't even begin to give you any advice, because right now you are hurting very deeply and you are going to have to work through that hurt before you can focus on a future without him.

The main thing is to focus on what is best for your son. Whatever happens between you and your partner, please be sure not to allow your son to be hurt anymore than he already is. Kids sometimes end up paying the biggest price during a break-up, and they are not the ones who need that.

It sounds like your partner has made his feelings very clear about who he wants to be with. The other girl has no repsect for herself or your son if she knew he was with you and began an affair anyway. It's not all her fault though because it takes two to "tango". They are both at fault.

At this point, I can only say that no matter how hurt you are, it's really better to let him go. Allow yourself to hurt because you can't just turn off your feelings. Allow yourself time to get through this, but really focus on being there for your son. Don't allow your son to be dragged in to this, and please do not cry to your son and have him be the strong one. He needs to be able to draw on your strength. My husband was put in the position of being the strong one for his mom during his parents break up at about the same age and it really took its toll on him emotionally. It's ok for your son to see you cry, because it will help him to cry and get this out and cope with this loss, but you need to be strong for him.

You can get through this, but it will take time sweetie. Just take one day at a time, even one hour at a time if it gets overwhelming. Just know that if your partner can do this to you, then you are better off without him. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will be just as commited to you as you are to them. This other girl is only 19, and if things go they way they usually do with an age difference like that, she will eventually tire of him and move on to someone her own age. If that happens, he deserves it and has gotten what's coming to him. Then you can sit back and kind of enjoy seeing him get what he deserves. I know that sounds cold, but you gave him a second chance and he blew it. This isn't baseball sweetie, so there are no "three strikes". This is your heart, and he's proven that he doesn't really care about it or you.

Please keep us posted. We are here to listen.


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