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Its just so hard...
Jul 22, 2006
hey everyone...


well me and my boyfriend been tougether for about 3 years on and off.
since then we've been to many many arguments yet have shared some good times. this past month hes been threating me saying he wants to brake up, that he wants to be single BUT he doesn't want to lost me.bascially today i went to school to register my classes for the up coming fall semester and Roy (a fake name ill use for my boyfriend) is like completely jealous and insecure. hes texting me constantly "whose there, what guys, why arent u answering, your checking guys out blah blah blah and saying THIS IS WHY I DON"T WANT TO BE WITH U".
i call him when im done registering him telling him to stop and i only love him. and i try to tell him what to do when he comes to register. i tell him "hey we should take a class together so we can carpool!" and hes like "no i don't want to take any classes with u! I HATE YOU!"
adnw e argue and argue and im telling him hes being childish i only love him and i always try to be the best girlfriend i can be. so then he drops the BOMB on me and says "i don't want to be with u i made up my mind i want to be single". and i start crying saying "why!?!?! i love you!! everything ive done was for u your my everything" and it continues... he goes on telling me im not good enough for him, that im not the girl he once loved, that everything in out relationship is my fault...and i ve bveen crying since calling him and trying to reason with him...

i know this sounds bad..but i do love him and he is such a good guy besides this. he was my frist in everything and i loved him nonstop for 3 years. iono if what i should do. cause when he threatns me like this usually its weird...like for example he says its over and then i say "fine then i guess ill give u my stuff back" and then he says "IF YOU DO THEN ITS FOR SURE OVER!"....i don't understand..

iono..i really don't want o lose him and i love him so much. and im so confused...is it really sonething i did..did i miss something all this time...

please write to me..ill tell u gusy everything..im just so lost and confused...
Wow, this guy sounds like the most insecure stupid jerk I've ever heard of! Why are you still with him? You say he's a good guy, but you let him treat you that way? Eeewww, gross. My skin is actually crawling thinking about how bad he's treating you right now.

He's completely controlling you right now because of his massive insecurity. You can't help him with this problem. Only he can learn how to stop being so freaking insecure. If ANY guy treated me that way, I'd kick him to the curb so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.

You deserve so much better than this, you have to know that! You've got a long life ahead of you which will be so much more pleasant if you ditch this loser scumbag and find a guy who treats you with more respect.

Please don't stay with him. Please don't let him guilt you into staying just because he's so insecure. When you break up with him, take some time for yourself just to pamper yourself and take care of yourself. Don't automatically jump into another relationship. And when you do make the break and he starts accusing you of seeing other guys, you can just tell him that you'd way rather be alone than in a relationship with some loser who is so insecure that he accuses you of false things that have never happened.

PLEASE do yourself the biggest favor and dump this freak. I can tell you that it will never get better. He will always treat you this way. And you have done nothing to deserve this. You don't deserve the accusations and guilt that he keeps throwing at you. Please, please don't let him continue doing this to you. Just dump him and be happy that you made a decision that will make your entire life better.
Hi Justbecause,
With the greatest of respect and best wishes for the future, I just want to know if you have absolutely no self-respect at all or are you just being retarded at the moment?
Are you reading what you are writing? Are you reading what other people are writing?
If a friend was going through this, what would you think?
If your mother was going through this, what would you say?
This guy is taking the greatest pleasure in manipulating you, abusing you and then watching with delight as you squirm while trying to please him and make it up to him. Why on earth would you let him do that? Do you have absolutely no self-esteem or self-respect whatsoever?
There is a difference between being nice and being dumb.
I'm sure you are an adorable, sweet person but you have to start THINKING. Don't just react in the same way you have being for the last three years. Think about what you are bringing to the relationship and then think about what he is contributing...do you seriously think that YOU are in the wrong and everything is your fault???????
Compare what he did to you on your birthday and what you did for him on his. How could you possibly think that you were in the wrong? How could you forgive him so easily for what he did to you and then run around after him, making sure that HIS birthday was enjoyable?????
Do you not realise that he is incredibly manipulative and insecure? Do you not realise that by constantly running after him and apologizing when HE abuses you, you are setting a precedent for his behaviour-You are teaching him that being a jerk works.
Not only is that setting you up for a lifetime of hurt and suffering, but if you do split up, your behaviour has taught him that being an insecure, needy, hurtful jerk is the best way of getting love and attention. He will then put another poor girl through the same thing.
Please read up about possessive/needy/jealous men. Their behaviour always follows a pattern which can end up with the woman being isolated from her friends and family, constantly walking on eggshells, so worn down by insults that she loses all self-esteem and becomes dependant on her abuser. And this is before any potential physical abuse starts.
Are you that afraid of being alone that you are willing to degrade yourself like this?
I really wish you the best of luck-you sound like a sweet, thoughtful person, but you have to be smart too. Don't be a martyr to his unreasonable behaviour. Don't become a victim of low self-esteem-you deserve so much more.
You have to be more than a nice person-you have to be bright, respect yourself and find out who you really are-this experience is a good test of that.
Wishing you lots of courage,
f_g





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