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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I agree with you Eve that women need to raise our standards, and not accept anything but top notch treatment, but I don't think cheating has much to do with gender. There are men out there for whom cheating is unthinkable just like there are women who would never cheat, but there are also plenty of women who are unfaithful. After all it is a million times easier for an attractive woman to get sex on demand than for any man to do so. I personally think, based on what I have observed, that people do not abstain from cheating because they fear getting caught. Plenty of people who know very well that they will lose their spouses and children if caught cheating still go ahead and do it, and there are also plenty of people who know that their partner would probably forgive them for cheating who choose not to do so, because they don't want to cheat. That's the trick--I really think the reason that I've never had a boyfriend cheat on me was not because I was so great or had such great taste in men, but because I choose men who aren't inclined towards cheating and then I made sure they were happy enough with me that they have little to no interest in being with another woman. I mean, we all have fantasies, and that's fine and healthy, but I'm talking about any real, practical interest in straying.

I think that the only way to get a guy (or a girl) to stay faithful is to ensure that he has no reason to want to cheat and to ensure that you don't pick guys who are prone to cheating in the first place--meaning avoid men who flirt a lot, date a lot of different women when single, look at other women while out on dates, etc. Some guys just don't have these inclinations, and if you can make that kind of guy happy, that's your best guarantee of fidelity by far. So in my view, the only way to be absolutely sure that a partner of either gender will not cheat is to find a partner who doesn't want to cheat. There are exes I've been faithful to and ones I haven't, and the difference for me had nothing to do with getting caught nor whether I thought the guy would leave me over it. In fact, the guys I didn't ever be unfaithful to were the ones who I thought would probably forgive me if I cheated, because they loved me and were forgiving by nature...the reason I was faithful was because I wanted to be good to them and never do anything to hurt them. Whether or not I resisted my impulses to be with other men--impulses I will probably always have--was totally contingent on whether I loved the guy deep down and would never want to betray him, in which case cheating was never an option for me, or whether I thought that deep down he was just wrong for me and that it would never last, in which case I was a lot less vigilant about avoiding other men, especially once it became clear to me that the relationship was doomed. The only way to stop someone from cheating is to find someone who wants to be with you, and only you. If the person wants to be with other people, then all the guilt and threats and potential loss in the world will be unlikely to deter them from straying.





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