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I think you need to drop the affair. You say you love your wife, love your kids, need them, are responsible. Act like it. Love and affection are missing from your marriage, eh? Work towards getting it back. Talk to your wife about what you feel is missing, get counseling if necessary, take a vacation just the two of you.

Who's to say you dump your family, get a divorce and end up with this woman, that the love and affection won't fade away there, too? Then what do you have?

I also can't help but wonder about this other woman. If she knows you're married with kids to a good mother and wife, what does that tell you? If she's okay with having a part in breaking up a marriage, freaking out your kids, does this sound like a woman you'd want any sort of commitment with?

What if the shoe were on the other foot, and your wife found somebody she had a crush on in middle school and you were just in the dark about this?

I think you're jumping and gun and thinking with the wrong head. You need to make every effort to fix what's wrong with your marriage -- which sounds like a very easy fix, BTW, if it's just feelings of love and affection has died out...I think it happens in every marriage at one time or another -- before you go off and find someone else.

I don't know, tho. The more I think about this, I don't think your wife deserves you at all. Maybe you should just end it with your wife, so she has the opportunity to still find someone who won't do this to her and your kids have a real man to look up to and learn from.

Like other posters, I, too, have very little tolerance for cheaters. Sorry if my post is harsh, but it's about as nice as I can make it.
You asked for opinions and advice, so here's mine-

I don't know if you deserve to have the love of a wife when you are willing to cheat on her just because you met up with a girl you had a crush on back in 8th grade. You also say that this other woman knows about your wife and kids and is fine with it, so she is just as much as a homewrecker as you are.

You say you love your wife but something is missing? YES something IS missing- your love and devotion to her! There are so many people, men and women alike who are happily married UNTIL they allow feelings for someone else in. Then, they decide, "Well, something was missing anyways. I've not been totally happy in my marriage before anyways." I call bogus on that because if something truly was wrong before meeting up with this other woman, then surely you would have been working on it before since you say you are so concerned about your children.

You have these wonderful new feelings for this girl because you are remembering the freshness and excitement of young crushes! You had a crush on her when you were children! You are both adults now, and two different people than you were before.

I can't even begin to imagine a woman being ok with coming in and having an affair with a married man who has children. Sounds like she has no respect for your children or herself. What kind of example would she be around those children if she is willing to help break their hearts?

And as far as joint custody goes? I don't know what state you are in because I didn't even look to see if it's posted, but seriously, do you think it's possible when you chose to betray the marriage? My first husband chose to do what you are doing now, and he got "ZIP' as far as custody goes. I have sole custody of my daughter and had it from the get go.

I hope and pray that you come to your senses and realize what you are doing and try and correct it. This really isn't fair to your children and wife. Also, this other woman being perfectly fine with breaking up a marriage might be some indication of just how seriously she considers "commitment". Doesn't sound like she considers it at all, so you might find her cheating on you one day. IMHO.

Good luck with this situation. I hope this doesn't sound really harsh and cold, but really, you have to think about what you are doing. I've been on the recieving end of an adulterous affair and I saw what it did to my child. It hurt her immensely, and she was very young when it all happened. Kids deserve much better than that.

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