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I have a daughter (Amanda) who is a relationship that I am concerned about.

This is the story:

Ryan was involved with Mary during the last 4 years off & on.

Mary has 3 children. (1) son with a construction man that is not in the boys life. (1) with Ryan. (1) newborn that Mary claimed to be Ryan’s but the DNA test came back last month showing that is WAS NOT Ryan’s. Mary is known for not taking the best care of her children and leaves them often with grandparents to go party.

Amanda has (2) children from other relationships.

Ryan broke things off with Mary a year ago, but did see her a few times. This is why Mary tried to say the new baby was Ryan’s.

Ryan started dating Amanda about 4 months ago – swearing that he was not cheating & not seeing Mary anymore. They seemed to get along great. He bought her this & that, took her here & there, involved her in his go cart racing, and started building one for her. Ryan & Amanda had their routine of going to race the carts every Sunday and taking his son & Amanda’s 2 sons. Mary was never involved in this routine or any other public events. Ryan will take Amanda out in the public eye but not Mary. Most of Ryan’s friends and his mother do not like Mary at all.

Ryan and Amanda had plans to move in together, go on a cruise, etc…to blend their families.

After the DNA test was back – he swore he did not want anything to do with Mary ever again and even questions if the middle son of Mary’s is his. Everyone thought for sure that this would solve Ryan’s attempts to try to ever make it work with her.

Ryan is a good guy in the sense that he takes care of all 3 of Mary’s children even knowing that 2 of them are not his.

Amanda has always had this feeling and sensed that Ryan was still seeing Mary. Different things would happen & she would accuse or ask Ryan if her suspensions were true. He always denied her suspicions. I always told Amanda to believe him until he gets proved wrong.

Ryan works out of town through the week and back on the weekends. Last week he was to be gone for 2 weeks without coming home. He invited Amanda to travel to his work location over the weekend to spend time together. Then come to fond out that he had also invited Mary to come spend time with him during the week.

He came home 2 days early and was telling Amanda he had things to do and was busy. Amanda with her suspicions drove by Ryan’s house. His truck was there but he wasn’t. Amanda drove by Mary’s house & found Ryan’s motorcycle hid in the backyard. He had his truck parked at the house to make it look like he was at home.

Amanda called Mary later after she knew Ryan had left. Mary told her that he had been there a lot lately. Mary and Amanda agreed that Ryan needed to get caught. Amanda hid in Mary’s bedroom until Ryan came back. She listened to several conversations with Mary & Ryan that lead in to Ryan seeing Mary behind Amanda’s back. Amanda came out of hiding and confronted Ryan.

Ryan of course was very mad. So mad that Mary & Amanda hung out together all weekend for fear of Ryan’s mode. I am sure that Ryan was mad that he got caught and that both of his women were together. At least one good thing that came out of them hanging together is that Ryan might know now that they will both confront him when he cheats on them.

His excuse to Amanda for seeing Mary again is that he wants to try to make a family with Mary even knowing that things won’t change with her (her going out drinking, etc)

Now Ryan wants to make up with Amanda and gets jealous if she goes out without him. But he still thinks he wants to try it with Mary.

I am afraid that all 3 of then are going to keep caught in this cycle. I just want to know how to handle giving advice to my daughter so that she is not one of them that stays in the circle of hurt.





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