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Relationship Health Message Board

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If a guy is only out for sex, and you have sex and he still wants to see you, it definitely doesn't mean he wasn't intestered only in sex. Unfortunate, but true. Also, I believe it is a big huge lie that you will turn off a man who really likes you if you either hold off on sex for quite awhile, or have sex quite early on. If a guy genuinely likes you and cares about you, he will want to continue to be with you no matter what. I'm a very sexual girl with a lot of experience in this realm, and while I've been lucky that only maybe 5% of the men I've been with have only wanted sex as opposed to a caring relationship with me, I hopefully can still share some signs that will help you figure out how any given man sees you. Actually, I can tell you about the way two different guys I've dated this summer have treated me, and maybe that will make the difference a bit clearer. Of course every situation is different, but in general, there are definitely some clues you can look to if you're trying to figure out if a guy really likes you or just wants to hook up.

OK, so the guy who just wanted to hook up (and that's probably selling him short, because I was the one who insisted we keep things totally casual and not develop any relationship whatsoever), did these things:

-Only called when he wanted to come over, or have me come over, not to see how I was or ask me to hang out in public with friends.

-Always made it really obvious that he wanted me to leave first thing in the morning.

-Didn't invite me out to meet his friends/family

-Didn't call consistently to say hi, see how I was, etc. even when we couldn't get together in person

-When we were together around mutual friends or at a party, he wouldn't pay much attention to me or do anything that would hint that we were a couple.

-Never gave me any indication that he was interested in having a monogamous relationship with me.

-His friends warned me that he doesn't "play well with others"

-Didn't ever seem that concerned about how I was feeling or what was going on in my life, though he was willing to talk about personal stuff to some extent when he could sense I wanted to...

-He called and texted when he wanted to, and wasn't reliable about always getting back to me promptly when I contacted him.

-It seemed like his other friends and social obligations always came first, and we could only get together when he had nothing else to do...we never made plans ahead of time.

-He seemed like he couldn't care less what I did when he wasn't around, including whether I was sleeping with other guys

Then I reconnected with a very good, old friend I've known for a decade, and even though he is not at all an emotionally expressive kind of person, I can tell that he really cares about me because:

-the first time we met up after not seeing each other for a few years, he spent the night, and called later that next day to tell me that he was really happy to have been with me and that he had a wonderful time

-he always, always calls me back promptly, and he never fails to call me when he promises to

-he contacts me to see how things in my life, like vacations, tests, interviews, etc. went, not just to make plans to hook up

-he had no problem inviting me out with his friends and family right from the start (though it probably helped that we'd known each other so long)

-he seemed a little jealous when I did things with other guys

-he's never in a rush to leave or have me leave after sex, and when he spent the night, he wanted to hang out, make love, watch tv, have lunch, etc. the next day

-he wanted to hang out outside of the bedroom, in public, and he didn't have a problem being snuggly and affectionate with me around other people

-he seems to genuinely like me as a person, aside from my looks and sexual skills, and to genuinely care about my life, how I feel, and what I do

-I don't ever feel needy, dependent, or insecure around him the way I sometimes feel about men who are only interested in sex...instead he makes me feel confident, loved, and sure that he cares. I hope that helps a bit...

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