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Re: Love issue
Aug 24, 2006
phew thanks nina, someone understands! lol.
yeah, i am use to lots of attention and i do get it from him too- al my boyfriends had been madly in love with me- but not this one.

i love having sex with my boyfriend, im in love with him and i feel so attracted to him but maybe i should stop untill i feel more emotionally secure- does that make sense? one day i dont want to breakup and feel used and dirty like i did last time we broke up.

i love him and i still want things to be ok but i dont know how. selfish maybe but i think there has to be more effort on his part. i dont feel appreciated or valued. my god, when i think back over the past year, he has treated me quite badly in certain periods. makes me sad.

i had a nightmare last night, i cant believe how i am still shaking and feeling so sick because of it- it reminds me of the pain i went through when he ended things, saying he had had enough, and started seeing someone else soon after. i dreamt he broke up with me and two days later he was getting married, invited me to the wedding, and mentioned me in his speeches saying things like "dont be sad, i love you like a friend, lets remember the good times we had" he married a stunning girl who he had just met. Im feeling so down now. Reminds me of the pain i went through a few months back.
Yes, as he said, this is a partnership- but im more hurt and i need morethings from his side- doesnt that make sense??

im insecure. and im also angry at him.

maybe when i get back to uni, ill find someone else. deep down i have two wishes- either things perk up between my boyfriend and i (im madly in love with him) or i meet someone new thatll take me from my boyfriend (and trust me that wont be difficult- there are plenty of guys around- the opnly difficult one is finding one attrractive enogh in terms of looks and personality- who knows i may accept anything to rid myself of this situation because leaving him i cannot do. sad i know)

maybe once ive got more friends to go out with, more things to do, ill be less bothered about this.

lol im feeling so angry this morning, so hate filled...i hope itll pass :) this isnt good.





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