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Tanabear-
I really want to address the issues you are dealing with from your past abusive relationship. Sweetie, my first husband was abusive to me in every way a man can be abusive to a woman, mentally, sexually, physically- you name it. It was a horrid relationship and he had me so manipulated that for some time, I felt that I deserved his treatment and that I wasn't worthy of being loved and treated kindly by a man. I eventually came to my senses and ended that relationship before he got so abusive that I ended up being severly injured or even dead.

Yes- it does leave you scarred, and it does make you want to never trust a man again, but if you can not move beyond this on your own, then you do need to speak with a psychologist and find a way to get through this so you can go on to enjoy a healthy relationship with another man. I swore off any kind of relationship after I got out of my first marriage, BUT with time, I realized that I was only causing myself more pain by not allowing myself to trust another man. I eventually had to deal with my feelings and had to work through them. I was able to do that and am now married to the absolute best man in the world. He loves me and treats me the way a woman deserves to be treated- with love, kindness and caring. I treat him the way he deserves to be treated as well.

Whether you want to admit it or not, your words and posts strongly indicate that you have not been able to work through and get over the damage your former abusive boyfriend treated you. If you allow this to continue to control you, then you will not be able to trust another man and go on to enjoy a relationship that is true and lasting. Why cheat yourself and miss out on having a man love and adore you? Why allow yourself to be a sex toy for some guy? Don't you think any better of yourself? Don't you think you are worth more than that?

Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, and you just keep saying that you aren't cheating. You say that he is, BUT you are helping him cheat. You are an accessory to his affair going on behind his GF's back. I would deffinately compare it to someone saying, "Well, my friend robbed the bank. I didn't. I only drove the get away car for him. I didn't break the law, he did." And although that is technically true, there is responsibility on your part here. You know he is in a relationship with someone else and justifying it doesn't make this any less hurtful to the girlfriend.

You were hurt previously and now it seems that you feel that because of that it's ok to hurt someone else. Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, no matter what kind of "spin" you put on it. Yes, your "BF" is in the relationship with his live in GF, but again, you are also sleeping with him so you do bear some of the responsibility whether you accept and believe that or not. You know there is a GF yet you chose to continue to help drive a wedge between them. This would all be different if you had no idea there was another person involved.

I started seeing a guy years ago, and it just so happened that I found out he had a live in GF and when I found out, I confronted him about it. He gave me the whole song and dance that their relationship was on the "skids" and he wasn't happy with her. Regardless of what he was saying, I wasn't about to knowingly help destroy that relationship, so I ended it immediately and told him I wouldn't be a part of it. Come to find out, they were actually engaged and planning a wedding. I had to do what I felt I could live with, and being involved in an affair with someone who has a girlfriend isn't something I can do. That's me, that's how I am. Some people, like yourself have no problem with it at all, and that is your choice. Again, you do need to be aware, that if this guy is messing around with you, there probably have been other women and may even be other women currently as well.

I hate that you had to endure abuse from another human being because no one deserves that. And again, I'm not judging you at all. I say these things out of concern because I know exactly what abuse from a man can do to a woman. It's not pretty, and it does leave scars. How we chose to deal with working through the pain is up to us, and it sounds like maybe you haven't fully come to terms with what your former BF did to you. And if I am wrong, and you have come to terms with it, then I have to say that it's left you with a terrible outlook on the possibility of a wonderful and loving future relationship with a man that will treat you with respect, love and kindness.

Take Care
[QUOTE=ozzybug]Tanabear-
I really want to address the issues you are dealing with from your past abusive relationship. Sweetie, my first husband was abusive to me in every way a man can be abusive to a woman, mentally, sexually, physically- you name it. It was a horrid relationship and he had me so manipulated that for some time, I felt that I deserved his treatment and that I wasn't worthy of being loved and treated kindly by a man. I eventually came to my senses and ended that relationship before he got so abusive that I ended up being severly injured or even dead.

Yes- it does leave you scarred, and it does make you want to never trust a man again, but if you can not move beyond this on your own, then you do need to speak with a psychologist and find a way to get through this so you can go on to enjoy a healthy relationship with another man. I swore off any kind of relationship after I got out of my first marriage, BUT with time, I realized that I was only causing myself more pain by not allowing myself to trust another man. I eventually had to deal with my feelings and had to work through them. I was able to do that and am now married to the absolute best man in the world. He loves me and treats me the way a woman deserves to be treated- with love, kindness and caring. I treat him the way he deserves to be treated as well.

Whether you want to admit it or not, your words and posts strongly indicate that you have not been able to work through and get over the damage your former abusive boyfriend treated you. If you allow this to continue to control you, then you will not be able to trust another man and go on to enjoy a relationship that is true and lasting. Why cheat yourself and miss out on having a man love and adore you? Why allow yourself to be a sex toy for some guy? Don't you think any better of yourself? Don't you think you are worth more than that?

Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, and you just keep saying that you aren't cheating. You say that he is, BUT you are helping him cheat. You are an accessory to his affair going on behind his GF's back. I would deffinately compare it to someone saying, "Well, my friend robbed the bank. I didn't. I only drove the get away car for him. I didn't break the law, he did." And although that is technically true, there is responsibility on your part here. You know he is in a relationship with someone else and justifying it doesn't make this any less hurtful to the girlfriend.

You were hurt previously and now it seems that you feel that because of that it's ok to hurt someone else. Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, no matter what kind of "spin" you put on it. Yes, your "BF" is in the relationship with his live in GF, but again, you are also sleeping with him so you do bear some of the responsibility whether you accept and believe that or not. You know there is a GF yet you chose to continue to help drive a wedge between them. This would all be different if you had no idea there was another person involved.

I started seeing a guy years ago, and it just so happened that I found out he had a live in GF and when I found out, I confronted him about it. He gave me the whole song and dance that their relationship was on the "skids" and he wasn't happy with her. Regardless of what he was saying, I wasn't about to knowingly help destroy that relationship, so I ended it immediately and told him I wouldn't be a part of it. Come to find out, they were actually engaged and planning a wedding. I had to do what I felt I could live with, and being involved in an affair with someone who has a girlfriend isn't something I can do. That's me, that's how I am. Some people, like yourself have no problem with it at all, and that is your choice. Again, you do need to be aware, that if this guy is messing around with you, there probably have been other women and may even be other women currently as well.

I hate that you had to endure abuse from another human being because no one deserves that. And again, I'm not judging you at all. I say these things out of concern because I know exactly what abuse from a man can do to a woman. It's not pretty, and it does leave scars. How we chose to deal with working through the pain is up to us, and it sounds like maybe you haven't fully come to terms with what your former BF did to you. And if I am wrong, and you have come to terms with it, then I have to say that it's left you with a terrible outlook on the possibility of a wonderful and loving future relationship with a man that will treat you with respect, love and kindness.

Take Care[/QUOTE]

i know i'm not over it. i can't yet...its only been a few months since the last attack happened, and i'm still dealing with it emotionally as well as physically...head trauma hasn't healed yet. and the trial doesn't start until november...i still have a long ways to go...he got caught beating me the last time, so he's been charged...but i lived through almost two years of abuse with him. its not easy to get over...but i don't think i am purposely trying to hurt anyone. i don't ever want to hurt anyone in any way...maybe i'm just liking the positive attention i'm getting from him? i don't know...I know i don't want any kind of relationship, none at all, i can't deal with that, so maybe this is my way of getting what i need, without attatching myself emotionally. i don't really have any answers...





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