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I can't read men
Aug 17, 2006
How do you do tell if someone is interested or not interested in you? I have been hometaught for most of my life and honestly, it has made me really naive about when a guy is interested or when he is not interested. So often, I tend to think someone IS interested and they end up not wanting to go on a date or a second date with me. It's really impacted my self-esteem, because I get rejection over and over again.

How can I tell they ACTUALLY like me? Body language.. what they say.. how they act.. etc?

Is it safe to say that if they don't ask you out, they aren't interested, period? I don't want to face anymore rejection! I know this is a tough question to answer, but I'd really be appreciative of any help. :(

Amy
Hi Amy, I'm a guy and I can give you my advice about what guys do and how they act when they are interested in girls. First, even though we supposidly live in very modern times, it STILL is and probably ALWAYS will be the guys duty to ask a girl out when they are interested. Of course, some girls do take it upon themselves to ask guys out however, most of the time, it is the guy usually making the first move.

This isn't to say that a shy guy couldn't be waiting in the wings, but is too afraid you'll reject him. There are certainly plenty of guys like that in the world, especially under 18. If you suspect that about someone, there is only one thing to do and that is to give him 'buying signals'. It basically means that girls have to make some effort to show they are interested too, but as most women are anyway, it has to be very subtle...just enough to show interest without showing desperation.

Ok, so a guy asks you out. BING! That means he is interested...but, in what?! That's the million dollar question. The only way to know that is to take your time with him. A good guy who genuinely cares about you will take a couple of months to get to know you really well...he'll continuely ask you out every week, call you all the time, and make his presence known. Of course, you give back just as much as he does too...you call him just as often and except most if not all of his offers to go out. Guys don't like being rejected either, so it is important that you keep the flames going.

IF a guy takes you out on one or two dates and then you never hear from him again, it either means 1 of 2 things:

1. He took time to get to know you, but decided he didn't like you
2. He was only interested in sex. He either gets it and runs OR decides that your not that type of girl and gives up trying.

There really are only three types of people you are gonna meet out there and this goes for both guys and girls. The ones who show interest and mean nothing by it (just flirting), those who only want sex, and the rest who are genuinely looking for commitment. The BEST way figure out what a guy wants is to play the waiting game with him...make him WORK for you.

Guys, believe it or not, want to feel a sense of accomplishment in the dating world. We want to feel like we did all the right things and, because of that, we are advancing things along. Guys don't like things handed to them on a silver platter...it takes all the thrill out of it and ruins their respect for that girl. Being slightly challenging forces a guy to respect you and that is what you want. The opposite is true too though...a girl that plays extremely hard to get frustrates us to no end. Many guys end up giving up on girls like that just because they feel like they are getting nowhere and go home with bruised egos.

There is a balance you must keep between the two of you...constant tension...give and take. Remember that if it feels like either one of you is doing all the giving and getting nothing back, then its wrong and it feels wrong, doesn't it? The feelings have to be mutual.
Why hang back and wait for someone to show interest in you? The next time you find someone attractive, why don't YOU just go after them? Sitting back and worrying about whether or not somebody likes you puts you on the defensive. You need to go on offense and let them know what you want. And then they can take it or leave it.

If you are an attractive girl, then most guys would be flattered to know you like them. Next time you are out somewhere and you see someone you like, just totally stare them down. Now, whether or not I'm interested in the guy, I'd never complain about a hottie (or at least a somewhat attractive guy) checking me out.

If you're shy it can be a little hard to do at first, but work on it. Once you have a guy in your sights, just keep looking at him. Not in a creepy, I-have-a-collection-of-heads-hidden-in-my-freezer kind of way, but a coquettish, sexy, teasing way. Keep catching his eye, and openly admire his whole package. You can start off slow and incrementally increase the blatancy level. That way, you make it very clear what you want. And if the guy likes you too, he won't be so afraid to come over and talk to you.

If you take the upper hand, then you won't have to go around all the time freaking out over what kind of signals the guy is sending/not sending. Make it clear that you are diggin' him, and then if he wants to respond he will, and if not, then not.
Just know life is a rejection - just don't get sucked into it and take it personally. If a guy is interested in you HE lets you know.
With today's tech of Phones, Cell Phones, Computers, IM's etc,.....

Also, guys like to have Female "friends" (not with benifits - but some do too)

A gentleman will ask a girl out for a date - boys do not. Boys who like to play mind games - tease girls...
Shy guys will agrue my point, if there is someone YOU are interested in then it's up to you to approach that person and see if he's interested in you.
Just saying Hello to a guy can do wonders, if he's interested he will continue the hello with a conversation and if he's interested that hello, conversation, will lead into a phone number...

Never Assume they are not intersted or are interested, you go with your gut feeling.........and if you are wrong - That's OK too, practice makes perfect for your future interests........

Don't let life's rejections get you down - that's what it's all about :cool:
I know, I really should! But, I hate rejection and I have been rejected by TONS of guys I have met over the internet and it's really started to make my self-esteem go downhill. I really am an attractive girl and I think I'm fun, too. I tend to hold back a lot of who I am, but not too much.

I do really like a guy who is shy/quiet at work and I want to ask him out, but I am pretty sure he would say no. I also have NO idea if he's got a girlfriend. I'm suspicious that he does. He's definitely talking to me more lately and tends to try to keep conversation going, but we are both so nervous that our conversations are wierd and we seem to disagree on every thing! The thing is.. I usually agree with him, but I am so nervous, It end to say the opposite of what I think. It's so silly.

I don't work directly with him, I just walk past his desk a lot. I've brought up in front of him (while talking to someone else) that I am single. I also am doing a lot of 'cutesy' little looks and always say hi when I see him. If anything, I just want to hang out with him as a friend and see if we are compatible. But, I don't know if he would EVER ask me to lunch. I don't know any other way of coaxing him! Though giving him longer looks would definitely help matters.

I kind of want to ask a co-worker if he is single. But, I KNOW that she would spread it all over the place I work and he'd probably be really emberassed, as would I. Eep!


[QUOTE=GypsyArcher]Why hang back and wait for someone to show interest in you? The next time you find someone attractive, why don't YOU just go after them? Sitting back and worrying about whether or not somebody likes you puts you on the defensive. You need to go on offense and let them know what you want. And then they can take it or leave it.

If you are an attractive girl, then most guys would be flattered to know you like them. Next time you are out somewhere and you see someone you like, just totally stare them down. Now, whether or not I'm interested in the guy, I'd never complain about a hottie (or at least a somewhat attractive guy) checking me out.

If you're shy it can be a little hard to do at first, but work on it. Once you have a guy in your sights, just keep looking at him. Not in a creepy, I-have-a-collection-of-heads-hidden-in-my-freezer kind of way, but a coquettish, sexy, teasing way. Keep catching his eye, and openly admire his whole package. You can start off slow and incrementally increase the blatancy level. That way, you make it very clear what you want. And if the guy likes you too, he won't be so afraid to come over and talk to you.

If you take the upper hand, then you won't have to go around all the time freaking out over what kind of signals the guy is sending/not sending. Make it clear that you are diggin' him, and then if he wants to respond he will, and if not, then not.[/QUOTE]
:jester: OK [B]NOW [/B]this is getting good.

It helps that you have someone in mind and your past posts provided some insights into the situation and atmosphere around you. If this guy seems nervous or skidish around you, it is a GOOD signal.

I do not recommend you take the initiative to ask him out first. If he really is shy, he might just say no as a reflex because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. It's an automatic shield against potential embarassment. (You know how that's like, right?)

I do think you should go the route of asking his friends about his status quo (single/girlfriend etc) It's actually not bad if this kinda gets out in the open.

Remember, here you are, two "shy" people probably both interested in finding out more but lack what it takes to come closer to each other. You can use some outside interference to ease the tension of potential rejection.

Heck, if I was working with you in the same office knowing what I know now, I would enjoy nothing less than setting you two up somehow, someway and seeing that you two hook up for the first meeting/date, sincerely speaking.:D

Don't get distracted by compatability issues until you get past the first few dates. You can't really start to learn about someone from afar, can you? Never judge a book by its cover and remember the first things first, i.e. "the first date":cool:

Keep us posted on the developments and good luck to the both of you.:wave:
Yeah! I think it's a good sign that he's skiddish around me, too! The only problem is that when he DOES have a chance to be alone with me, he bolts. He also doesn't seem to take any opportunities to talk to me or be around me. So, I kind of wonder if he's nervous around me just because he finds me attractive, but he thinks we have nothing in common.

It's funny you mention wishing you could set us up. A co-worker actually tried to set me up with him the first week I started working at the place I do! But, I didn't know who he was, so I just giggled it off. They did sort of set something up though. We all went out after work to a bar. He didn't talk to me at ALL though. So, I just figured he didn't like me.

I think I am going to have to find out if he's single - even if I am nervous about it. The whole thing is kinda driving me crazy! Ha.


[QUOTE=minijumbofly]:jester: OK [B]NOW [/B]this is getting good.

It helps that you have someone in mind and your past posts provided some insights into the situation and atmosphere around you. If this guy seems nervous or skidish around you, it is a GOOD signal.

I do not recommend you take the initiative to ask him out first. If he really is shy, he might just say no as a reflex because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. It's an automatic shield against potential embarassment. (You know how that's like, right?)

I do think you should go the route of asking his friends about his status quo (single/girlfriend etc) It's actually not bad if this kinda gets out in the open.

Remember, here you are, two "shy" people probably both interested in finding out more but lack what it takes to come closer to each other. You can use some outside interference to ease the tension of potential rejection.

Heck, if I was working with you in the same office knowing what I know now, I would enjoy nothing less than setting you two up somehow, someway and seeing that you two hook up for the first meeting/date, sincerely speaking.:D

Don't get distracted by compatability issues until you get past the first few dates. You can't really start to learn about someone from afar, can you? Never judge a book by its cover and remember the first things first, i.e. "the first date":cool:

Keep us posted on the developments and good luck to the both of you.:wave:[/QUOTE]





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