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There was so much in your post that hit home with me it was scary to read it. I could have been reading my own story in some ways. My ex boyfriend is serving in Afghanistan. This is his second tour there, and for most of the time we were together he was gone somewhere or another. I have depression.

Our relationship didnít end because of either of those two issues, but I believe they were big factors. Basically he was a big stupid head before he left. Iíll leave that at that for now. The thing is, when it did end, it was my choice, but because of his actions, yet there was a part of me that felt a relief. Depression (as you know now from your studies) makes it very difficult to deal with anything, let alone a relationship under stress. Sometimes chucking it all away is easier. Not always what one wants truly inside, but a last resort coping mechanism.

In my case. Being that he was a long term boyfriend and not my husbandÖI never had any type of connection to him when he was gone other than his calls and emails. I never had anyone to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears and sadness with. No connection to his family and no friends with loved ones over seas. I always felt completely in limbo. I knew this upcoming tour would be hell. Well it isnít any easier not being with him because now I know if anything happened to him, Iíd be seeing it on the 6 oíclock news.

Persons with depression canít handle this type of stress and most certainly not alone. I do not take medications but have been incident free for sometime. I have made huge lifestyle changes to help me stay clear headed. It is always with me, and I always worry about it coming back. It takes a while to see it when you donít know what you are looking for. I do not believe your wife would at this point recognize her symptoms and be able to attribute her behavior to her depression. Not yet.

I know as I sit here tonight if my ex was to walk in the door, I would want him to stay and never go away. There is no doubt in my mind that I love him. However the combination of problems destroyed us. He too, is incredibly negative about things. As a person dealing with depression, it is very hard to keep the upbeat when someone is always there to show you the down side. Your wife has something in you that I wish I had in my ex. You are very supportive. Very willing to help. My ex never acknowledged my depression other than making one very rude comment a long time ago. I think he didnít want to think about it. Or because I have been somewhat free of debilitating symptoms, figured everything was fine. I am not sure. I would have given a lot to have your kindness.

When one person decides that a relationship is over, it is an emotional struggle. You know that if you donít act or shut down the mix of feelings, you just will not be able to follow through. If your wifeís recent behavior isnít a reaction to her medications, then it could be her way of keeping herself in line with her decision. She has chosen a method to move on, yetÖshe remains. It will be hard to know what could happen for you both. On one hand once you are home, things could improve. On the other, she may be firm in her decision but having a hard time cutting all ties to you. I still correspond with my ex. I havenít yet mastered life without him.

You have gotten some very good advice when it comes to the medications. As you learn more about depression you will also discover that medicating is a difficult process for some people, and for others a great benefit. If you havenít already, you should check into the depressions forums right here on this site. They were a huge help to me.

Sorry my post is so long for everyone to read through. I know I am getting skimmed

My heart goes out to you both. Best of luck.

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