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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

First of all thank you so much for doing what you do for everyone back here.
The sacrafice that your wife and yourself are making is greatly appreciated.

Speaking from experience, what your wife is going through is tough. Although you are in a war zone and fighting for your life, she is in a constant state of limbo. Your relationship is on hold, and it takes a strong sense of committment and determination to make a military relationship work. (my ex was army during the first golf war). You have nothing but time to think and worry. All my time was spent trying to get some news that his unit was safe, ect. I had to make all the decisions, learn to fix a leaky faucet, change my own oil, ect......It did me good and Im a better person for it, but at the time there was a lot of resentment when times would get tuff and he wasn't there to help make a decission or releive me from our children. I didn't have alot of support and worked very long hours, Drinking and going out on the weekends only made things worse for me.

I too suffer from depression and at the time lived in Seattle, another high depression area because of the constant rain and lack of sun. We relocated to the midwest and bought a farm (my dream). I underwent 2 years of counciling and started medication to counteract the chemical imbalance.

I can only tell you that you need to keep the lines of communication open, try not to dwell on the divorce topic or seperation, pretend it doesn't exsist. Encourage her if she brings up the topic. Try to keep everything light and fun, and romantic (as much as you can from 1000s of miles away.) When you get home see how things go, try to be yourself and she fell in love with you once she can do it again, it happened to me. I could barely stand my ex when he left, 9 months later I couldn't wait to see him, and all we had were cards letters and an occasional phone conversation. My medication was working by then and we had fun, we dated each other all over again once he was back home. I fell completely in love with him again. If I only knew.... (In case you wonder about the ex part, we divorced because of repeated infedelity on his part during his time away and once he returned home.)

The relocation will be amazing. I live in florida now and don't even have to take medications. Tanning bed (not recommended with skin cancer risk now) in the winter helped too, turns out I wasn't as clinically depressed as I was sun deprived. I think if you agree to drive her and use the time to reconnect, it would be good for her. How much longer do you have on your contract? Once you get home, if you can connect on any level I would suggest couples/relationship counciling. It can be done, if you have a great relationship when your together then I think you have a good shot at making this work. The really tuff decission would be if you wanted to hardship out if it came down to that to save the marriage.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep the faith....You sound like a wonderful guy and she just needs to get her mind in a better place and get out of alaska. Keep us posted.

TAP (thoughs and prayers)

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