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Long Time No Talk.. Hehe :-)

I've been in a serious relationship for about 6 months now, and I've known her for almost 2 years. I almost live over her house and know all her friends and family really well. We both have great times together and everything.

She's one heck of a girl... For the most part, she has the most amazing personallity and knows me better than I do sometimes! It really blows my mind on everything. I am very comfortable with her and can talk to her about anything and everything... I never been that close to someone before like that.

She's the type of person that will come out and be with you when your upset or sick, she's always there for you. She does work around the house for you, she loves being a part of your life and is willing to do anything and everything for you. She tells you how great of a person you are and how smart you are and makes you feel like your a better person. She makes you believe you can actually do stuff with you life. She supports you 100%.

Me and her have done stuff that I haven't done since I was a kid, we've went to waterparks, the beach, mini-vacation, camping, etc. We've done so much together and she has made me a much more social and active person. I used to sit at home every single day doing nothing. I used to never went out.

Even after 6 months... We still cuddle and kiss like crazy, and we have a wonderful sex life.

Now... The downsides:

1. She's Bipolar and ADD. She can be very moody and has a short fuse.

2. We had a rough spot that lasted a month or so and we were very close to breaking up. We were fighting a few months steady before it hit the rough spot. We found out it was the birth control affecting her hormons. She got off it and all is well and sex life is great... however, because of the rough spot, you learn that a lot of your family doesn't like her and they tell you that you can do better. During this time, you have a fling with another girl because you think it's over, you tell her about it and she becomes insecure now.

3. I am not sexually attracted to her. She's very overweight and eats a lot. I often find myself looking at other girls and tonight, I had a girl hitting on me and I was hitting back. I often find myself surfing personals website and thinking that I want to be with a "average" girl instead of a overweight girl.

4. Her and her family are VERY Poor and Dirty. They live in the middle of nowhere (an hour from my house) where there is no cell phone service, no cable, and phone service is very unreliable. They live in a very old trailer which has mold growing and is very dirty and dusty. They don't have decent cars or anything. Her mom can also be a very moody person.. very physo to say the least.

5. She's a VERY VERY Social person who has MANY friends and is ALWAYS on the go. I have a lot of insecurites with relationships in general because of some past I had. I often worry sick and freak out wondering who's she's with, what's she's doing, etc. She's very understanding and gives me no reason to worry, but deep down, I still do.

Okay, This is where I am confused. Part of me wants to be with her, but another part of me doesn't. The parts that bother me the most is her moodiness, their lifestyle, and overweight.

I'm always dreaming (wishing) I was with a average girl that lived a average lifestyle with a calmer personallity (non-bipolar) and sometimes I get upset because I'm not with what I truly want.

Right now I'm torn.. I do like being around her and I'm very comfortable around her... We have a lot of good times and I feel like a "couple" for the most part, but just the moodiness, lifestyle, and overweight REALLY bothers me a lot and I'm having a very hard time getting past that.

What do you guys think?

Thanks!





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