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Long Time No Talk.. Hehe :-)

I've been in a serious relationship for about 6 months now, and I've known her for almost 2 years. I almost live over her house and know all her friends and family really well. We both have great times together and everything.

She's one heck of a girl... For the most part, she has the most amazing personallity and knows me better than I do sometimes! It really blows my mind on everything. I am very comfortable with her and can talk to her about anything and everything... I never been that close to someone before like that.

She's the type of person that will come out and be with you when your upset or sick, she's always there for you. She does work around the house for you, she loves being a part of your life and is willing to do anything and everything for you. She tells you how great of a person you are and how smart you are and makes you feel like your a better person. She makes you believe you can actually do stuff with you life. She supports you 100%.

Me and her have done stuff that I haven't done since I was a kid, we've went to waterparks, the beach, mini-vacation, camping, etc. We've done so much together and she has made me a much more social and active person. I used to sit at home every single day doing nothing. I used to never went out.

Even after 6 months... We still cuddle and kiss like crazy, and we have a wonderful sex life.

Now... The downsides:

1. She's Bipolar and ADD. She can be very moody and has a short fuse.

2. We had a rough spot that lasted a month or so and we were very close to breaking up. We were fighting a few months steady before it hit the rough spot. We found out it was the birth control affecting her hormons. She got off it and all is well and sex life is great... however, because of the rough spot, you learn that a lot of your family doesn't like her and they tell you that you can do better. During this time, you have a fling with another girl because you think it's over, you tell her about it and she becomes insecure now.

3. I am not sexually attracted to her. She's very overweight and eats a lot. I often find myself looking at other girls and tonight, I had a girl hitting on me and I was hitting back. I often find myself surfing personals website and thinking that I want to be with a "average" girl instead of a overweight girl.

4. Her and her family are VERY Poor and Dirty. They live in the middle of nowhere (an hour from my house) where there is no cell phone service, no cable, and phone service is very unreliable. They live in a very old trailer which has mold growing and is very dirty and dusty. They don't have decent cars or anything. Her mom can also be a very moody person.. very physo to say the least.

5. She's a VERY VERY Social person who has MANY friends and is ALWAYS on the go. I have a lot of insecurites with relationships in general because of some past I had. I often worry sick and freak out wondering who's she's with, what's she's doing, etc. She's very understanding and gives me no reason to worry, but deep down, I still do.

Okay, This is where I am confused. Part of me wants to be with her, but another part of me doesn't. The parts that bother me the most is her moodiness, their lifestyle, and overweight.

I'm always dreaming (wishing) I was with a average girl that lived a average lifestyle with a calmer personallity (non-bipolar) and sometimes I get upset because I'm not with what I truly want.

Right now I'm torn.. I do like being around her and I'm very comfortable around her... We have a lot of good times and I feel like a "couple" for the most part, but just the moodiness, lifestyle, and overweight REALLY bothers me a lot and I'm having a very hard time getting past that.

What do you guys think?

Thanks!
I just wonder when I read your post...were you ever in love with her...


Those things that you say you like about her at the beginning (minus the part about the sex life) are wonderful things to say about someone, but...you could say those things about a best friend, sister, grandma, etc.

On the other hand, the things you say at the bottom, things that bother you about your relationship/her, are huge, important factors in a relationship!! You're not attracted to her, it bothers you that her family is poor (yet you say you still spend lots of time there...), your family doesn't like her, you don't share the same socialization patterns--but you don't like it when she socializes on her own, and her mental issues bother you.

She's not going to change--she's most likely to always be moody, she's always going to have ADHD and Bipolar, she's always going to want to go out and spend time with a lot of people, and chances are that she is going to stay overweight. If you are so bothered by these things now, that's not going to go away, it's going to get worse.

It's nice to be comfortable with someone, and be in a groove of spending time with someone "as a couple." But where do you see this going?

Do you really think this girl deserves to believe she is in a loving, committed relationship when you're over there browsing personal ads and saying how unattracted you are to her? You say your sex life is great, but I'm sorry, I don't see how that is possible when you're not even attracted to her! Also, you had a fling with someone else because you *thought* it was over between you? If you're still together, it's cheating whether you were going through a rough patch or not, and no wonder she feels insecure because of it.

I feel bad, Mike, because I find that my responses to your posts generally have negative undertones, but I feel very strongly that people deserve to know where they stand in a relationship. You've been questioning this as long as you've been dating her! To stay in the relationship while allowing her to believe that you love her and are attracted to her, when in reality you are dreaming of a thinner woman and wishing for a more "average" girl is selfish! It's like saying that she should suffer and be deceived because you like being part of a "couple."

The longer you let this go on, the more she is going to get deeper into this and expect commitment from you. And, the more it's going to hurt her when you won't do it and when you inevitably break it off. Which, judging by your internet personals searching and how you enjoy flirting, might just happen if someone else showed enough interest.





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