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I mean, im not too attractive, theres one HUGE fault in me thats very obvious and you pretty much know it right off the bat, so i know that'll instantly draw girls away. Im not too attractive, that fault, but i have a [B]great[/B] personality (not to sound conceited or anything, few of them actually care to get to realize that, but the few that have say that its true).

The only two girlfriends i had, didnt really seem like it was anything. The first one really did care about me, we got close, but i knew the entire time i was only her second choice. Then my second girlfriend liked me for whatever reason, but shes bad news to begin with (i always refuse to believe you guys when you say so, but then i realize it, then change my mind again just because im desperate).

As sad as this sounds, im very desperate. Not for a girlfriend, nah, ill live, but for a female friend who actually cares for me. I mean my first girlfriend claims to care about me, but she changed so much that its not talking to the same person anymore, then my second girlfriend cares about me but it bugs me because she gives these TOTALLY mixed signals. Like i told you guys before, it'll be at least a few years before my next girlfriend, and at this rate it seems the same.

I dont know what im trying to get across in this thread, but i just need to vent i guess. Vent, and i really really REALLY need advice. There isnt much i can do, im hopeless. I mean, i cant say that i really live for anyone but my two parents, and a few [I]real[/I] friends who i wont see for a really long time (college). I mean now day in and day out, its either college, work, college homework, or videogames (and lately its been Laura, and im realizing again its a horrible idea). Sorry that this topic is just scrambled information, i just need to do this. Im getting really fed up with life, i have no idea what im going to do with the rest of it, and even if i decide i hate how thats ALL i will ever do, i understand this is life and every single person goes through this, but to me, i dont really see much reason to live on for. Not that im suicidal, nah, i have been before and i sent myself to the hospital and decided i cant do that unless i actually do it for a reason, its just that i hate seeing just a black wall as my future. Im desperate for a caring female friend, hell, a girlfriend would be AMAZING but at this rate, i cant see one for at least 2-3 years at the minimum. I cant put up with just college work, and my job isnt bad but my manager drives me up a wall.

Sorry again...maybe i will come back later and put up a smaller paragraph to say how i feel again, might just be the spur of the moment depression feeling.
-Pawel





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