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Relationship Health Message Board


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I wasn't going to reply to this thread initially, because it just makes me SO MAD that this guy has you TOTALLY BRAINWASHED. I was in a VERY similar relationship, and I was once like you, but I FORCED myself to NOT put up with behavior like this and made myself BELIEVE that I was worth more than abuse and that I would be OKAY. And you will be FINE without this guy, too--in fact, you may be able to move on with your life in a healthy manner. Anyway, you said you "feel guilty" because you just wanted to prove that you can be a good girlfriend and you hate feeling like a nag. OF COURSE you are going to be upset about this girl because EVERY sign this man gives you is a sign that he is SCUM and he can't be trusted. OF COURSE you think he might cheat; he cheated in the past, abuses you, and totally disregards your feelings. I'm not saying that there is anything up between him and this girl, but who CARES if there is. I feel bad for ANY girl who goes out with such a piece of S**T like this guy. Instead of "nagging" or bringing up the subject of this or that with him, you should bring up NO SUBJECT and change your phone number, change your door locks, and never contact him again. That may sound extreme, but ANYONE who EVER hits or is violent with a woman and treats her like a worthless individual doesn't deserve to even be spoken to. AND TRUST ME, there is not speaking or discussing issues with a guy like this because as much as you fantasize--HE WILL NOT CHANGE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. I am saying this out of experience. You are probably in love with the THOUGHT and fantasy of this guy being a great guy. It won't happen because even if he quits drugs and stops hitting you, his personally downright sucks. You can't change someone's personality. It's sad, I know, but you CANNOT SACRIFICE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH FOR THIS J**K. It is clear that your self-esteem has already been severely affected, and since you are in denial so badly and still WANT to be with this man, I strongly suggest you visit your local Women's Center. Call around because there should be one someone in your area, or a similar program. You need to find yourself and love yourself for who you are--you are not the bad one in the relationship! Any life you have with this guy will be a miserable one where you are constantly worried about whether or not he's cheating or hanging out with another girl, whether or not he's snorted pills, how much he's smoked or drank, if he is at a bar or a party where there are hot girls, etc. Trust me, I know all the worries and I've felt it all. Just typing this I feel that familiar anger in my chest because I know how bad you feel being treated the way that you are. I am echoing everyone else's advice and I know that, but I couldn't help but post because maybe the more people that say it to you, the more you will realize that the only way you are acting inappropriately is by staying with a sick man who has no respect for women. Have you ever heard the saying, "He has his cake and eats it, too?" This applies in your situation because he has everything he wants from you and at the same time does whatever he wants and treats you the way he wants. At that party, you HEARD that girl make a reference to hanging out with him previously when he said he did not do that. Don't convince yourself you are crazy when YOU HEARD WHAT YOU HEARD. What did you do when you came home from the party? Instead of telling him to take a hike, you APOLOGIZED for being unhappy or being a nag or apologizing for whatever it is that you decided to apologize about that particular day. Girl, your self-esteem is at its LOWEST. The most important thing a female has is her INSTINCT. If you instinct tells you something is wrong, IT PROBABLY IS. Don't settle for less than what you are worth. You only get one life (as far as we know right now) and it should NOT be spend crying, anxious, or unhappy. To be perfectly honest, I can take some of that advice myself, but in your case, you desperately need to take that advice before this relationship COMPLETELY TAKES OVER YOUR LIFE AND HEALTH. Don't think it won't eventually affect your health, because it will. I still suffer physically (stress wise) from being in an abusive relationship and I was NOT beat. Words and situations can hurt just as much. Please, I am begging you to take time EVERYDAY to RE-READ all of these posts until you BELIEVE THEM and believe that YOU are worth more. Please. Take Care.
~Katalina





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