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Hi LMH-
I was just checking in and then read your post and HAD to respond- it sounded like I could write the exact same thing! I just wrote a very lengthy response and then lost it, so here goes #2, I'll try to remember all my points.

I had my 1st heartbreak a little while ago (I havent made it a secret on these boards, hehe, so you might remember), and I have found myself in so many similar situations since then. My breakup left me with a huge drop in self-esteem re: relationships for a while, and that didnt help. I actually had the exact same thing happen to me, and the guy was a friend! (Although we were involved in a 'fling' of sorts). He came up from 5 hours away- he lived out of town- never told me he was coming, and instead called me at 2 am. I, like you, ignored his calls, but he KEPT CALLING, and finally i picked up, was pissed and told him to go away, and then the next day when he was sober I reamed him out and never spoke to him again. Then I cried for an hour to my best friend and posted on here :) But its like you said, it wasnt about HIM at all- it was the frustration that all these guys were turning out this way. I was so thankful when I met my ex b/c I even dealt with these stupid boys in college, and he was different...until he turned out to be the same!
But I think (and correct me if I'm wrong), that a lot of it is also that you want what you had with your ex again- not that you want your ex, but just the love, respect, desire, care, etc. that you had with that person, because once you had that, why would you want anything less with the next person? And so when they turn out to be so far from that, its just like a constant reminder that you don't have that anymore. Thats how I feel at times. It may just be some remnants of healing and thats why it can be so hard to start over!
I also feel like you do a lot, in that I wonder what is wrong with ME. I used to look at it this way: if Im the one that stays the same here, and then I date different guys, and the result is always the same, it MUST be me thats the problem. But I think that it is just easier to turn it inward than it is to shrug optimistically and think "oh well, its just them!" and then go out and do something fun. But the more and more Ive turned it outward and looked around me, now I attribute it more to THEM, the city I live in, and the age group I date (mid 20s- enough said). Plus I agree with the kissing the frogs quote- my mom has told me that since Ive been 15!!
I think that cookiepls also had some great advice about being too open too soon. I think I have that problem sometimes- Im too trusting. And lately, its the opposite!! Which, Im leaning may not be such a bad thing. Minijumbofly (props to you, too, btw for such great, uplifting advice always) also makes a good point about the odds of finding the one for you. I think I used to be naive in thinking that I could find the one for me after just a few guys...haha! Well now I think, that if finding an amazing person for you was so easy, it wouldnt be that special. What makes a true love special is because it IS so rare to find.
So, my advice to you goes along with everyone else, and its what I have to tell myself every day: You have to give yourself some love. Just b/c a guy flakes out doesnt mean that you could have prevented it (and this is something I have to remind myself all the time!!) Also, the more you are down on yourself, bitter toward others romantically, and frustrated with dating, the less-good vibes you will give off. This doesn't mean to walk around with a plastered smile on your face...I just put some faith into the saying that 'you are what you believe'. :) As for the shady guys, Im starting to believe its just a rite of passage to finding the right one. Some are luckier than others for sure, but at least it makes us tougher, smarter, and more resilient (like someone said on this post w/ the sandpaper analogy). And we become more skilled with the signs of a sketchball.
Whew! I think that was all I had to say. I could not understand more, though, how you feel, so if you ever want to talk Id be more than happy to reply!
*Oh- and one more thing- I know its frustrating to be untrusting, bitter, and wounded from a deceitful breakup, and that you worked on letting go of some of that baggage for this guy, and then he turns out like this! BUT, at least you know you CAN possibly trust again or at least loosen up a bit, for when the right guy comes along. It shows that you're the quality one here just looking for a respectful relationship, and this guy can just go find a booty call :)





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