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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hello, I’m new here and was wondering if anyone could possibly help me out…..

I am a bloke aged 29 and have been married to my wife (31) for 8 years now.

A couple of years ago she had an affair with another man and she initially told me that the marriage was over but there was no-one else. I then found out about him and there was indeed an affair going on. The level of deceit was huge and there is far too much to go into here, well for now anyway.

My wife sadi that it was due to my behaviour (I am in the police force) I was never violent at all but I was apparently un-loving did not want to kiss & cuddle, showed no affection, was’nt interested in her etc….

Eventually we split up with me moving out of the house. I was initially gutted as you can imagine but slowly I started to move on. After about 2 months I decided I wanted to try to get her back, which I did. We then decided to move away from where we were and start again fresh.

The problem is………

I don’t want to be married to her anymore….

I don’t know what is going on in my head but I just don’t want it. I constantly keep on flitting between “I don’t want it” and “I do want it”

The main thing is our 5 year old child.

I have really struggled to get over her affair and to be fair, it did ruin me and every now and then it hit’s me like a train.

I am really confused at the moment and don’t know what to do.

I should’nt admit this but here I go, I ended up sleeping with someone last Christmas and to my horror, did not feel one ounce of guilt, I thought that it was revenge. Not nice I know but there you go.

I like to think I am a decent bloke but quite simply, I feel that the affair hs changed me and not for the better.

I have started to see someone now, and I find myself getting feelings that maybe at this point in my life I should’nt have……..

If anyone knows why I feel like this then please help!!!!


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