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[QUOTE=Emilysmommie05]Problem is I would love to be with this guy and i love seeing him and being around him, i mean i have had the hots for him since high school which was 6 years ago!! Longer than that 10 years because i was a freshman when i started crushing on him, and it is very hard because i like him, and i don't want to not have him in my life at all and i am very sexually attracted to him also it is soooo hard!!!!! I don;t know, i don't want to get hurt and either way i feel i am heading in that direction.:confused:[/QUOTE]

Dear Emilysmommie,

Okay, I got ya... I'm a single mom and I have been in the same situation as you are now. My son is now almost 20 years old. :D

When I first started dating or getting attention or noticing other men after my divorce, I was attracted to this one guy. At first I was afraid of being hurt. I went through a traumatic event with my divorce, so vulnerable, so hurt. I was traumatized to the point that I'm just now walking down the aisle again after 17+ years of being unmarried. It's a very scary first step on what you're about to venture, dating.

From my experiences, here are my suggestions. If you are too afraid to dip your toe into the pool, don't do it. However, once you get the courage to step down on the first step into the pool and getting both of your feet wet, just be careful. Take baby steps. I also suggest to just date. Don't go into anything more than just having an adult companion, movies, dinner or go out in a group situation which is a safer situation both physically and emotionally. Don't go into anything serious until you're ready. But as you know, part of life is getting hurt. Some of the most painful situations in my life made me feel alive. As much as I was hurting inside, I also embraced the pain because I know at that moment, I was learning an important lesson. And I also know, that I will get over the pain and start feeling myself again.

Last advice, as your baby gets older, her image of you, her father and the world will be coming from you and her father. Keep her from meeting boyfriends and girlfriends until you and your ex are extremely serious and your relationships from these other people are taking more into a semi-permanent situation. Children are so receptive and sensitive. We are all they have.

Having a "boy-toy" is fun and it takes a long time to get yourself into that emotional state. Men have done it... and women are doing it. As long as both adults understand where they stand, then all is good. But like I said before, there's nothing wrong with having one as long as it's monagomous and safe.

Good luck dear and be kind to yourself. Take baby steps and the minute you don't feel right about a man, listen to your instincts, it's there to protect us.

Peace. :D





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