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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


OK OK I'm here for you and sending you my strength your way. Others have done this for me before and I could feel.

First thing: DO NOT CRY IN FRONT OF HIM. Hold it back, cry later. I know it seems like crying may be a way to get what you want -- show him how much he's hurting you -- make him feel guilty. But this guy has no empathy, he has no way to put himself in your shoes to feel guilty about anything. He's not capable of it.

Second, you can say all that you have in your quotes, but you should keep this break-up short. In order for it to work, you have to keep it short and then cut off all contact.

Yes, that sounds hard --- but honey --- THREE YEARS IS NOT THAT LONG!!!

The things you mention, and what these other people are saying -- to me, it sounds like they are speaking the total truth. I don't think that they would be trying to get your BF back about anything by causing you to leave him. Because you know what, your BF most likely WANTS you to leave.

These people telling you these things have a conscious, and it is telling them that they need to step in and help you out. Perhaps you could even start a friendship with them for support? It sounds like you don't have that many friends yourself. Well, of course it'd be best for you to make NEW friends and start over and distance yourself as much as possible from everything.

So, why does he tell you he loves you and all that? Because a part of him also likes having you in his life as someone to control. He probably also sees you as very physically attractive and he doesn't want to lose that piece of a** he gets, even though he IS getting it from other girls as well. He likes having you to manipulate. And you probably do nice things for him, too, like favors and stuff like that.

As someone who hangs out with pot smokers and drinkers, I know guys like that cheat. That's one of the reasons my BF rarely goes out without me there. And I actually trust him more, but you're right, when you're drunk, you don't care about cheating. He is cheating. You stay with him, you might even get an STD. No joke.

OK so you make this break up short. You cut off all contact with him. Do you have anything tieing you together such as money or shared things? You might just have to let some of that go.

This is going to hurt, but TIME, TIME, TIME will heal. Seriously, it will. And I bet you start to feel better sooner than most. I mean, just not having to deal with all this anymore is going to help you.

Follow the directions I gave you in my previous post about making new friends. Tonight, hang out with someone, anyone. Every day, make a list of things you can do to help you keep your mind off him.

And definately make an appointment with a counselor! That's going to help you a lot. You might even need to take some meds for awhile, but hey, take all the help you can get.

BE STRONG. YOU CAN DO IT. YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG!!!





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