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Hey you all, this is long but I appreciate your time.

I am the guy that posted the topic about 3 weeks ago entitled ď1 night left, how would you spend it?Ē A little background info. I am 21, she is 18. She just moved to UAB, about 100 miles away to start medical school. She wants to be a Doctor. I work 50-60 hours a week second shift in a small town, (our hometown), and I donít get out much, lol. We have dated seriously for about the past 2 years. She and I recently separated because we both knew it would be best with our situations. We vowed to remain best friends because thatís the way it was before we ever dated. Now she is doing some things that arenít that great and I am just so worried about her I donít know what to doÖ.
She has been very honest since moving and I guess the reason is because she doesnít consider us in a ďrelationshipĒ anymore. Itís almost like now, it doesnít matter to her anymore what I think. She moved on a Sat Aug. 19th, and it took her until that following Wednesday to call me. I made up my mind that I wasnít going to call her and bother her. I knew she would be making new friends and hanging out with different people and I didnít want to interrupt her with a phone call at a bad time. I donít know her schedule. I have held up my end for the most part. I know that she probably feels like she has to call me or I will get upset, but I donít want her to think like that. I want her to want to call.
We both had pretty much come to an agreement to split up because of our different lifestyles. It was kind of something I wanted back then (to separate), but now that I know how it feels to be alone again, it just sucks. She told me that she needed some time to see what else was out there and to see if she could find any better. I know that sounds really mean, but like I said one thing we are is honest with each other. At least as far as I know she is being completely honest. She told me to give her some time to make sure she wouldnít screw up what we could have. She also said that at the moment she just doesnít trust herself and that she doesnít want to hurt me. I understand.
She has really turned loose since she got up there. She has met a lot of people and some of them, as I am sure you can probably imagine I wouldnít want her around. But, Iím trying to keep my cool about it, because I know that the best thing I can do for her right now is just support her. I feel like if I give her space and let her do her own thing, she will respect me a lot more-even if it is just as a friend. I donít ever want to loose that, cause she is such a cool person. She is just so fun to be around, even if we arenít dating. She and I made a promise to each other on the beach that night that no one would ever come between us, no matter if we dated someone else or not.
For the sake of understanding I will refer to my ex as ďBĒ and her roommate as ďKĒ. B and K went to school together and K is a very good church going respectable girl.
B has been doing a lot. K is just not the same as B, and I think that K doesnít want to do a lot of the things that B does. According to B, K is a ďlightweightĒ, in other words, she doesnít really want to go out and party and drink and dance like B is doing. I know that they each have their own crowd of friends because of this, and from what I can tell, B does a lot of things without K. Therefore, K may not be there to stop her if anything happens. I know she is not Kís responsibility, but I just wish that someone could halfway control her, or keep her from making mistakes she might regret.
Last Fri night she went out, and she said that she outdrank some guy, and probably got drunk. She says that she remembers everything that she did and she never threw up. They went to a club and she said she danced for 3 hours straight. And she said that she did some type of stripper contest where she gets up on this pole and dances. says she didnít take her clothes off or anything. the thing is, she had this really short cutoff denim skirt on - and if she was wearing that she was wearing a thong. I know that for a fact because she always does with a skirt. Well, she supposedly hooked up with some guy and went back to his room and did everything but have sex with him. She said she was afraid because she didnít trust him and she didnít know who he was. I know all the details - she told me, but Iím not gonna get in to all of that. She says she stayed up till 5 in the morning. My big thing is this. Do you think she is lying? I donít know. She didnít call me until 4 pm the next day. Thatís when she woke up.
I reminded her on the phone the other day when we were really talking to each other about the fact that she was wearing that skirt and that God and everybody probably saw her *** while she was on that pole. She became really upset with me and told me not to remind her of it, because the last thing she needed was someone else telling her about it. So apparently, a lot of people did see her *** that night, and she realizes she shouldnít have done it. I am like so embarrassed about that, and I know she probably wasnít really sure of what she was doing because she was probably pretty drunk. But I mean how would you feel if you were in my shoes?
Another thing that bothers me is how much time she has on her hands. Her mom told me that she wasnít gonna make her get a job, unless she wanted to, and so that just makes more free time. She has 2 or 3 hours a day of classes, maybe 4, and then after that itís whatever. She has no curfew. I guess that people can sleep wherever they want because she has stayed with a guy or two and she has talked about people staying with them and things like that. In other words, nobody has to be in his or her specific room at night. They are in a dorm with 8 floors. More room for trouble.
I was really hoping that I could teach her that she is worth a whole lot more than what is between her legs. Apparently itís not working though, because its just like she canít help it. She is a very sexual person. You could almost call her a nympho. I asked her the other day what she really felt about sex. She told me that she felt having sex with someone was ok, if you didnít show that person your whole inner being or your soul, like say, if you were really in love with them. I re-informed her of the dangers of disease and pregnancy and all the other reasons, and she still says that it just doesnít seem like such a big deal. I asked her what she thought her mother would think of her if she knew that, and she said her mom would probably hate her. I told her she was right, and I just told her that she ought to have more respect for herself.
She had originally planned to come home Fri Sep. 1, but she changed those plans to Sat. instead. She called me today (THURS) and said that she had went out last night and got in at about 4, and I knew she would probably go out tonight and tomorrow night too. I kind of remarked that she just couldnít miss that partying on Fri night, and she agreed. Is it really that important to her?
I have a few concerns: I mean, could she really be that in to the party scene? could she possibly throw away the relationship we had and turn to that lifestyle and be more happy? I feel like a total *** while Iím sitting here waiting for her to make up her mind, and I feel like I am a total idiot for doing it. I feel like she has got me on a string and she thinks that she can just use me. Itís not gonna be that way as far as Iím concerned and like I said, I just donít know what to do. Should I just let it go or what? I want to be her friend, but I donít want her to have to feel like sheís got to be my friend. I want her to want to be my friend. You know what I mean. She has done a lot of things that I may never know, but it sure would make me feel a little better right now to know the truth.
I donít know exactly how I feel right now but I do know what is best. I know that I should just let this go and move on, because there is no possible way we can have a relationship with her living the lifestyle that she is up there, and me being here. I feel like she is a really good person deep down, but I may be being fooled. I may have been being fooled all along. I feel like if I go out and try to start dating other girls, she is gonna realize what we threw away, and change her life just for me. Say Iím in another relationship. I am going to want to go back to her, because I know I probably wonít find anybody like her anytime soon. Then, I break the other girlís heart. I am not worried about my own feelings; I just donít want to hurt anybody like that. I know the possibility of her coming back and realizing she wonít find anybody better is slim, but still I am hanging on to it. I know it would be best for me just to forget it.
I know that she is gonna come back for a long time any ways and see me every now and then just because she wants to sleep with me. I donít mind that, but I donít want to put myself at risk because she may not remember who she has slept with the way she is partying and drinking. In other words I wouldnít want to sleep with her after she has been with a couple of guys up there, and she may have caught something. I believe that she is smart enough not to do that. I told her that she could always come back and have safe sex with me, because Iím not gonna sleep with anybody else. I told her that I didnít want her to feel like she had to rely on those guys up there for sex. I figured that would help her a little bit and make it to where she doesnít feel like she has to sleep with just anybody. she has told me herself that out of the people sheís been with, she enjoyed it with me the most. So I mean until she finds someone better, I think she will always come back. Iím not trying to brag or anything, Iím just telling you all the way I expect her to act.
Iím sorry this was so long and thanks for reading it. Thanks, John





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