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Men who hate women
Sep 11, 2006
i read this book from cover to cover today in the bookstore. it's about men who hate women--misogynists. the premise is basically that these men fear abandonment , so they grind a woman down systematically until she believes she is worthless, always at fault, and cannot leave the relationship--ie, the man wants total control.

i was shocked at the extent to which i identified with the feelings expressed in the book. i have literally found myself on occasion sobbing out loud, "love isn't supposed to hurt this bad, is it?" i've thought to myself repeatedly, how can this person possibly love me and behave this way?

on the other hand, there were things that just don't fit, and i was wondering if anyone else has had experience with either this book or a relationship described in the book. because in all of the reviews, women kept saying, oh, this was 100% my ex. i haven't read a single review/article where the woman says sure, my bf exhibited certain behaviors and not others.

i'm asking b/c ex is back. my head is telling me to run, but it's always difficult when you have strong feelings for someone, which i still do. his main weapons seemed to be criticism (including "helpful" criticism), put-downs disguised as humor, and withholding of interaction/affection. he also used to pick on me for weird things that weren't any of his business and had some behaviors that i identified as making me feel "belittled." of course he's all sweetness and light, now.

on the other hand, there's a number of things that never fit the model. first, he's not jealous/possessive. second, he encourages me to have outside interests/friends, and does not get angry if i spend time with others. although he DOES tend to criticize my friends. additionally, HE keeps leaving ME and then crawls back debasing himself to get back together. he seems genuinely pleased when i accomplish things. finally, he is MORE than willing to get therapy--he's had it for himself individually, we've gone as a couple, and now he wants to go when we're NOT a couple.

so, i can't figure. i mean, a lot of the feelings were spot on. but a lot of the behaviors weren't there. so, does that mean it's me? or could he have misogynistic "tendencies?" will it get worse over time?

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