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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index month as of yesterday actually. As far as the ex-boyfriend goes, she has feelings for him (she's told me this, she's been very open about what she does pertaining to him) but he wouldn't ever make her happy because he's a financial bum (no job ever when they dated, she supported the both of them and he still owes her about 1500 that she's trying to get back), drug addict with crack and pot in their apartment, and also cheated on her countless times. She realizes she has feelings for him but will never be happy with him, if that makes sense. I really don't see her leaving me, not just from my point of view, from her best friends', parents, and what she's told me personally.

I can agree with the point that too much drama for being together for just 1 month though, and if things don't get to picking up affectionate wise I really don't see how I could be happy with her. Thanks for your post.
She is young and obviously confused. Home pregnancy tests are under $10. many clinics offer tests free of charge. Just as a previous post had remarked, even with 1 nonfunctioning ovary, a woman will still ovulate every month and have a period every month. As a caring boyfriend, caring friend, you really first should bring her a home preganancy and be with her while she takes it to insure that she does. It still is possible that she may attempt to claim pregnancy next month and insist the baby is now yours. Whether the test is negative or positive, insist that it is very important for her health that she go to have a visit with a ob/gyn to discuss her missing periods.

Best of luck~

if she's not pregnant, she's still not able to meet your needs....
what are you thinking?[/QUOTE]

She doesn't meet my needs because she isn't affectionate. She isn't affectionate because A) Her guard is up from her previous ex and/or B) She's never been around affection and her bfs have never given her any. She grew up raised by her single mother that never had a good boyfriend (her mom explained this to me) and so Kelsey never saw affection when she was growing up, it was non-existent. The boyfriends even beat her mom, which makes me think that possibly Kelsey was hit too because she's very rough/physical when she plays around and that's fun to her. Makes me think that that's one of the few things she can associate with 'affection'.

And a big reason I'm still with that as a whole, she's got a good heart I think. I want to help that good heart be happy. My dad always raised me that if I saw a good person in need of a helping hand, that I could provide, do it. You never know when you might need one...but I don't think he was considering this kind of a situation when he told me that.

That's what I'm thinking, that's why I'm still with her. I hope and pray that someday soon she'll be affectionate, which is why I'm going to her friend to look for advice on her (I've already discussed things with her mom and that's what I've found out, now I'll see what the best friend can tell me). I know I'm running out of detours and it looks like no matter where I turn, I'm still headed down the same road of breaking up with her...I've even turned to going to movies and hanging out with my guy friends, or going out by myself cruisin around and such to make her think I am out running around and doing my own thing like I would if I were single, and it hasn't phased her.


What about your heart? It sounds to me like you have a good heart - why isn't anyone looking out for that?

Listen, I have to tell you - typically, I am not an affectionate person. My last boyfriend never received PDA from me and he accepted that it was not my thing. I was not affectionate and he accepted it. Until I met my current boyfriend........I want to kiss and hug him at all times. Everything I thought that I was has changed completely because of how I feel for this person. My point is that when you want to be with someone and care deeply for them - you want to be around them, hold them, kiss them. That is a part of intimacy that you need to have. Without it, you are just friends. I realize that is what my ex boyfriend was to me - a good friend. I was in love with him - there was no passion. I am IN LOVE with my current boyfriend and truthfully, you either feel the passion immediately or you don't. Excuses of why you do not want to touch that person are just that......excuses...

It is not your job to put her back together. She needs to do that on her own. She is leaning on you because she knows that you will be her rock. She may care about you, but there is no passion and there never will be. She is passing time by convincing herself that you are good for her.....when in reality - her heart is somewhere else. It is just going to be harder on you the longer you wait this out, but I assure you......this will not have a happy ending

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