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Re: Atten: Hope4U2
Sep 20, 2006
[QUOTE=charliecat31]Hope -
I understand you don't want to talk about this right now. Just know I'm here when you're ready. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there my friend:angel:[/QUOTE]

It's unbelievable the things you can find out when you just look a little harder. Nothing has been making any sense over the last several weeks, until yesterday. I literally stumbled onto some "evidence", didn't quite put two and two together, but when I mentioned part of it to her that night, we both froze after she answered. It's a long story, but she inadvertently admitted she had been having an affair without meaning to, and if I ever can tell the story, it's actually funny, as someone being so careful and clever with the lies ends up ratting on herself accidently, and how it happened is the cruelest of ironies.

After that, I asked a few more questions, and then she clammed up and left the house. I called her 4 straight times, calmly asking for an explanation and apologizing for the "roller coaster" she says she has been through because of me. She never said anything, listened for some 5 minutes at a time, and then hung up on me. I stopped calling after the 4th hangup.

Today, I called her and asked her if she was going to give me an explanation or was all this going to come out in court through depositions, testimony, etc. She said she'd give me an explanation tonight, but I'm not counting on it. Up until this point, everything's been my fault, and everyone we know, even my family, has heard about every mistake I've ever made, blown way out of proportion, and I've felt like it's me against the world and nearly withdrew my filing. Now, while being sad, confused, betrayed, etc., all at the same time, I am also relieved in a strange way. Feeling guilty about failing health, which was caused by an accident that was not my fault, was killing me. All that guilt is gone now. Plus, I saw my Pastor today, and there were a whole lot of crazy circumstances that surrounded our marriage that I won't go into now, but I did explain it to him. He told me that getting an anulment would be easy given all that's happened throughout twelve years based on my story. This was after he had cautioned me before we started to talk that anulments were getting more difficult to get these days.

I know our marriage was a mistake from the start, but I guess I never really found my "soulmate" and gave up looking. Yes, I settled, but we have a beautiful child, and I happen to believe that we deal with the cards we are dealt, and our decisions, in this life the best we can, and divorce is something I just never thought would happen. I would have worked extra hard to save the marriage, but not anymore. As time goes on and she realizes just how expensive life is and gets little to nothing from me, I can see her changing her tune. It was easy to cheat, I guess, when it looked like I was headed for long-term disability and perhaps bankruptcy. Thanks to one last, amazing surgery, it turns out that I'm far from it, so now she's stuck with what she asked for...I will end up feeling sorry for her, helping her out, etc., but this marriage is over, and I appreciate you listening. Chronic pain takes so much out of a person, and then this happens just as I get a new lease on life...God has a sense of humor that I don't quite get, but maybe someday I'll look back on this and know it was for the best.

Thanks again,

Hope





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